Morgan Destera

And I Scream at the Top of My Lungs “What’s Going On?”

June 27, 2026

A couple weeks ago, we were talking and he was getting ready to go to work and all of a sudden he comes up and says the next day he’s gonna go look at apartments

This came as a shock, but it kind of makes sense because he does spend four or five nights a week at a hotel in the city, which is very expensive. So getting an apartment might actually be a little cheaper. And his wife is going with him to look at these apartments. That kind of threw me since he said it was mainly for his use during the week. But of course she also works in the city and probably will spend some nights there also.

I (selfishly) say that getting an apartment may make it harder for us to get together especially if the wife stays there more and she stayed with him while he was at the hotel all the time. I don’t know if he thought about it beforehand or not, but he came back pretty quickly and said it shouldn’t be a problem because she still goes and travels on the road quite a bit for her job.

So the next day he messages me late and tells me about the places they looked at. They looked at 3 but one he liked and was only 5 minutes from his job.

I knew they were both paid very well in their jobs, but I didn’t know it was that well.

$450,000 plus monthly co-op fees. For a studio – no bedroom. 550 square feet.

😳

And he told me that the building has a doorman and that made me paranoid about the doorman saying something. I also thought about neighbors, but then I started thinking that I don’t come into town enough that it might cause attention and we aren’t ever really seen together. So I could probably get a pass as a visiting family member or friend.

So they put an offer in for it.

And funny as I was thinking about this all earlier, and he told me this evening that they’re probably going to cancel the offer they have on that place because they are not getting answers from the management about how maintenance issues get paid. They would have to pay an extra co-op fee every month along with the other mortgage payment for which is supposed to go to maintenance and everything and the company was not telling them where this money was all going – and it sounds like the company was also evading talking to their lawyer.

So they’re going out again tomorrow to look at a few more places. His wife was looking at a couple places today without him.

One place he’s really kind of excited to look at which absolutely looks better than the one they put an offer on there because this one actually has a real bedroom

$500,000 plus fees

It is more expensive, but the co-op fees are cheaper so it basically adds up to be the same monetarily. I kind of hope they get this one cause I don’t need these steps away from nice park areas. And he said this building does not have a doorman.

So I’ll wait and see what happens. I’m just kind of worried about the situation but there’s nothing I can really do about it. I just have to wait and see how it all plays out.

I think he just can’t afford to divorce. There is too much money involved – money I do not have at all. He can’t afford to marry me because I have nothing to contribute.

Short Notice Visit – The Visit

May 31, 2026

For a while we just lay there watching TV. Occasionally his hand would wander to my thigh and I would put mine on top of his and rub it. We chuckled and talked a bit about his work or the show we were watching. I always feel so comfortable with him. We don’t need to talk. We can just be with each other.

Then he stretched and shuffled around and lay down with his head on my belly. Again this felt like a very intimate moment. My fingers curled into his hair and I just stroked his head.

Then his hand started wandering. He pulled my panties to the side and started rubbing my mound, his fingers now curling into my hair. They wandered further down, testing my wetness and tickling my clit. He knows what turns me on and I was ready for him. I knew he wasn’t feeling 100% so I was surprised at the attention. He played and every so often his head would dip in for a taste. My breathing quickened and after my first orgasm he had me raise my hips so I could slide my panties down.

He kept playing, his head still in my stomach. It was a fun, low-key period. My hands wandered around his body as he got me off two or three more times. Then he pulled my panties up and patted them into place. “Do you think that will keep you satisfied for a bit?” He grinned at me.

I still find it amazing how he takes care of me. Of course there have been times when he really was ill and couldn’t, but there was no pressure for him to have to get me off that night. I snuggled closer to him and we drifted off to sleep slowly.

The next morning we had a few hours before he had to go to work. When we had originally planned it, he had not been scheduled until late afternoon. However, things change quickly in his line of work and he had been called in several hours early. But at least it wasn’t early morning so we had some time to play.

One of the first things we did was put my VCH and labia rings back in. I’d had an MRI several weeks earlier and had had to go to my piercer to get everything removed. I was able to put most of them back in again once the test was finished, but I saved the fun one for him to do. I had bought new jewelry, smaller ones which I hoped would not get as tangled up and painful. They were a bit too small and he had a difficult time closing them (they are clicker rings to avoid having to bother with the balls on captive beads.) He did finally get them closed though.

Afterwards he just stood at the end of the bed and admired the view. He dipped in for a taste and I giggled. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist,” I said. He agreed.

Then he got out his shaver and proceeded to shave my bush. This was something we had discussed. As always I told him it didn’t matter to me if I had a growth or not. He shaved carefully, saving the hair. He still had my hair from a previous shaving and was saving it up to add texture into one of his paintings. However he still needed more so I suspect he will shave me again at some point. But not for a while. At the moment he is still obsessed with my bare vulva and my “fat pussy.”

Of course he did have to stick his dick in me after that. He didn’t cum, but I did, so then I gave him a good deep throat blow job that he actually pushed me away from so he didn’t cum.

Unfortunately time was running out so he got dressed and went to work. For once he was going to be back in the room before I was that evening because the show I wanted to see started late.

When I finally arrived back to the room, he was naked in bed. I quickly stripped and climbed in with him. I had showered earlier and had cleaned up the bird he had missed shaving. We talked about the show I saw and watched a bit of TV. Then his hands started wandering and I started stroking him. He was instantly responsive so I guessed he had taken one of his blue pills while waiting for me.

It doesn’t bother me that he has to take blue pills every so often. It gives us more time to play and he keeps him harder longer. He can definitely get erection without it, but this allows us longer length of both time and cock.

We fucked hard, our usual way; so many different positions. He spanked me, dragged me around, forced my head onto his cock and made me swallow it. I squirted and climaxed endlessly until he could no longer hold on. Then we stared at each other incredulously, giggling. It’s always amazing when he get together.

When he pulled out, he noticed one of the rings he had just put in fell out and was stuck to my ass. So right now I only have 3 labia rings. We bought some new ones that are a little larger for him to put in next time.

Unfortunately he had to go to work a bit earlier the next day so we didn’t really get anything done. I watched him dress and bade him farewell until next time. I had an appointment to get a souvenir tattoo so I showered quickly and hit the subway. It was nice to see a different part of the city. There was an outdoor market near the tattoo studio so I wandered around there a bit. After a slight mess up with the artist’s booking, I finally got my simple tattoo and headed back to the room. I had to pack up and get to the station for my train. But I know I’ll be back.

Short Notice Visit – The Arrival

April 18, 2026

I was able to go see him last week. It was on short notice – he invited me about 10 days before. Usually we plan the visits 6-8 weeks ahead of time. I really liked the spontaneity this time.

We had been sexting of course, but the few weeks prior to this visit were so much more primal. We were both horribly frustrated. Then he says he found out his wife was going out of town, so we planned a short visit.

One thing I do want to say is that I think his wife has gone a lot more than what he says. I know there have been days when he’s talking to me from home and you can just tell that there’s nobody else around. He’s lounging in bed, naked, talking to me so either he is alone or he’s risking a lot.

So I hopped on the train and it was a much nicer trip this time. This is actually one of the few times I didn’t have any horrible delays going or coming home. The train was about 45 minutes late coming in, but that’s not enough to lodge a complaint about.

He was at work when I arrived, which is usually the case. That is, after the taxi driver dropped me off at the wrong hotel. Luckily I know the area well enough now that I was able to find ours about 10 blocks away.

It was odd though that when I checked in the desk attendant could not find my name on a reservation. I told her I was in with my guy, but she got confused and thought that he had paid for a second room for me. She actually called him at work to verify – luckily he was on a quick break and could verify the info. If she had called a few minutes later, she would not have gotten an answer. I think she felt bad because she gave me a goodie bag of water bottles, and chocolates. I have never received this before, but I know he has. Later when he got off work, he showed me the screen shot of his reservation and my name was definitely on it.

Once I was finally in the room I messaged him to tell him I had arrived. He told me then that he maybe wasn’t feeling 100%. I told him we don’t have to do anything tonight as I’d had a long trip myself. “You never know, I might get a second wind,” he wrote back.

I wasn’t sure what to expect so, I washed up and put on a silky teddy he had bought for me. We have started bring our own waterproof mattress pads with us and they have worked really well. It just is kind of a pain to wrestle with it to put it on a king size hotel bed. We use it on top of the fitted sheet to protect it.

Finally finally he gets to the room and I am laying in bed watching “Friends”. He told me once that one of the great things about hotels is that pretty much at any given time of day you could find reruns of “Friends” or The Big Bang Theory”/“Young Sheldon.” Since “Friends” is arguably my favorite show ever, I am completely okay with his choice of viewing.

Since he had warned me that he wasn’t feeling 100% I stayed in bed instead of helping him unbuckle his pants. He undressed and climbed onto the bed next to me.

Self Perception and Acceptance

April 17, 2026

If there is one photo I have to signify this past trip, it’s the one of his hand loosely gripping my naked thigh and my hand on top of his. It’s not a perfect photo, but it shows intimacy. It shows how relaxed we are around each other. And yes, it even shows a bit of my belly, a feature that has taken me decades to like, much less love.

He really showed me how much he loves my belly. And this time I believe him. He has told me before that he loves it, that he’s obsessed with it. I believed him grudgingly then. Even when we have been together other times and he admired and played with it, I stubbornly refused to fully believe it.

This trip, he laid his head on my belly quite a bit and just relaxed. He played and grabbed and squeezed it. I could see the look in his eyes as he touched. And I believed.

It’s hard to reverse old habits. Fifty plus years of bullying and loneliness is hard to overcome. He has told me repeatedly that he would keep reminding me about how good I look, but it always seemed somewhat like a line. I knew in my heart that he probably did like my size. But it’s hard to get your head to corroborate. My ex at times complained about my body – just enough for my ego to remain shattered. My MM on the other hand, has never said a bad thing about my body. In fact, he has said that he wouldn’t mind it if it was bigger. I told him I was OK with the way I am now and I don’t want to gain any more weight because then I would have to start with a whole new wardrobe again. At one point I was about 45 pounds heavier than I am now and I could feel the difference in myself. I felt bloated. I like myself now because I can get into regular clothing off the rack and not have to go into the plus sizes. I’m not skinny, but I’m not horribly heavy either.

I am still healing, but I think maybe I can get there at some point.

ELust

Welcome to Elust 196

Cover image courtesy of Miss Parker.

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Fapspins, Are Webcam Sites Anonymous for Viewers? A Practical Privacy Checklist

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Fern River Club, After the Come-In (Part 3)

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Tantric Sexual Healing, Tantra and the Architecture of Intimacy: Rewriting Love Beyond Possession, Identity, and Fear

Awakening Your Inner Essence, When Betrayal Becomes Arousal: Understanding Erotic Survival Through a Tantric Lens

Femina Viva, Submission need not be weakness

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Morgan Destera, The Spirit Is Willing, Part Two: The Flesh is Weak

B R Saiph, Locked on the Precipice of Permanence: Her Decision, My Submission

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Liz Black, Hands-Free Pleasure: A Closer Look at the VVD Rider Desire & Rider Go (Plus Exclusive Discount!)

Spices of Lust, Lovense Gush 2 Review

Sex Toy DB, Saddle Sex Machines or Sybian Alternatives: What Are They, and Which Is The Best?

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Ellie Hart, Why Emotional Intelligence Is the Most Attractive Quality

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Hellga, Sara Graduates Sissy School

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The Spirit Is Willing, Part Two: The Flesh is Weak

February 24, 2026

(Sorry this is so late – I came home with a bad case of Covid (but without upper respiratory complications.) Instead I had GI problems that wrecked me. I spent a night in the hospital because my liver and kidney enzymes were very abnormal.)

By the time I had reached the city, my guy and I had already decided to just try to relax that evening instead of going hot and heavy at it like we usually do. He had had a long day at work, and I of course it had a long and stressful trip. We decided to just lay back, play lightly, and watch TV.

Of course we just can’t let it be – at least not the first night together. We watched TV but then his hand snuck over and was touching me. He was already naked (as he is prone to doing as soon as he gets home from work). He started playing with my belly, kneading it, pressing on it. Then his hand moved further down and he was stroking me through my panties. I opened my legs for better access and a little while later, his hand was in my panties.

Needless to say television did not get watched.

I don’t remember every detail, but I do remember him shifting his cock in my mouth and me trying to get the right angle on it so it would slide down my throat better. He brought me to the side of the bed where he could stand and be more at level with my cunt. He played with my ass for a while, teasing it. Then he flipped me over to fuck me thoroughly. He came on my bush and then just stood there admiring it for quite some time.

By this time, I was squirting pretty much endlessly. I was grateful that he had brought a cheap waterproof mattress cover with him have to worry about staying the hotel bed… or seeing who had to sleep in the wet spot. We would leave this cover behind in the trash. No fuss, no muss.

The next couple days were uneventful. He had the full day off, but nothing really happened. We just sat and talked and watched TV all day. I could tell he was tired and just was not feeling 100% so I didn’t press the issue. He had slipped on ice on his way back to the hotel during the storm the night before and he did complain of back pain.

Then sure enough the next day he started feeling really bad and stopped to get NyQuil on his way home.

I knew he wasn’t feeling good at all, but he still took care of me. At one point he laid his head on my belly and started playing with my cunt, which turned rough. He made sure I got a few orgasms in by hand even though he was not at his best. He told me my stomach was really gurgling.

So it wasn’t a very adventurous trip sexually – you have to be able to compromise so as not to hurt or injure one another – but we still got playtime and any time I can spend with him at all is a bonus.

The Spirit Is Willing Part One: The Trip

January 31, 2026

Only I would be stupid enough to travel to NYC on the brink of snowmageddon.

Truthfully this trip was a mess all the way around.

We scheduled it back in December. His wife is out of town in a week. We were so excited, sexting almost every day, getting ready.

Then the weather forecast turned bad. And then worse

“Snowmageddon” was going to hit the day my train would depart.

After speaking with my guy, we decided to try to change my ticket to the day before I was to leave. Luckily seats were left. We weren’t sure if the tickets would sell out due to people trying to change, or if the train would be empty. Luckily I was able to change my itinerary easily.

The next day, one day before my new travel date, Amtrak released a list of cancelled trains due to the storm. My train was on it. But I hadn’t received any notification from Amtrak. I called their hotline just to see. The gentleman there was as confused as I was. Finally it was determined that my train originated the day before I pick it up, therefore was still scheduled. Pshew.

The next evening I was literally watching the clock tick away. I was scheduled to leave within 30 minutes or so when the notifications started hitting my phone. Five minutes late, 30 minutes. Forty-five minutes… I told my guy and he said this

Then the announcement came that the train is going to be at least two hours late. I told him to go to bed because I would be here until at least 3:30 in the morning. Ended up being closer to four hours late. I was finally able to leave my house to drive the hour and a half to the station. The snow had not started yet at least but as soon as I got into the town where the station was, there was a car with red and blue flashing lights behind me. Crap! I had made sure that my headlight was fixed just to avoid such a confrontation. I pulled over, but I was so afraid that I was going to be late for my train luckily the officer just gave me a verbal warning that my brake lights were on and we’re not turning off. Also, I needed a new light for my rear license plate. I thanked him and made it to the station with minutes to spare.

I let out a sigh of relief when the train pulled up and they were helping me up the steps. However, between the two cars was full of snow and ice and I slipped. The worst part was, I could not get myself up. The conductor tried to help me up also but was unable to. I have had a very bad hip lately that has provided me from climbing any steps and even for walking long distances. I actually had to crawl over to the seat in the car and haul myself up.

I stayed in that seat for a while, but because it was so close to the doors there was a lot of freezing cold air. The temperature was below zero outside and all that air was coming in. My feet felt like ice blocks. I did get up and move a little further back, but it wasn’t that much better. Later at conductor came by and noticed how cold I was and helped. Move me to a better seat. I never did warm up though. My feet were frozen. I went through my backpack and found some paper and wrapped my feet in those trying to help. It didn’t help. I tried using plastic bags as well, hoping to retain some heat. Later, I got out my suitcase and pulled out two extra pairs of socks as well. It helps slightly, but my feet never did warm up until I got to the hotel. During one stop where we were able to get off the train, I went into the little shop and asked if they had any foot warmers, but they did not have anything.

But I finally made it to my destination and our hotel. I was able to warm up my feet before he came back from work.

New Video: Pseudo Pegging

December 5, 2025

New video up on the pornhub. I’ll be writing about this soon.

Please go watch

https://pornhub.com/video/show?viewkey=6931d9ee1cef2

Welcome to ELust 191

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My post – Morgan Destera, What Can I Say…

Tantric is such a connector between two people – Tantric Connections, The Longing Beneath Success: Remembering Howo Feel

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Tantric again – Tantric Sexual Healing, Tantric Embodiment and the Alchemy of Power: Transforming Desire into Collective Awakening

Communication is key! My guy and I expand our relationship by talking through what we want to try first. It eases the anxiety. – Kristina J, Let’s Talk About Touch (and Why Communication Is The Sexiest Thing You Can Do)

Absolutely right! I am a demisexual as I need a connection before I can do anything. / Awakening Your Inner Essence, The Secret to Lasting Longer Isn’t Control — It’s Connection