November 23, 2021

Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself.

Thursday is Thanksgiving. I have no one to celebrate it with. My son is 4 hours away, getting ready to move even further away in early December. My brother (whom I have spent a couple of Thanksgivings with) is going on a trip. I was invited to come, but I cannot afford it. The same with visiting my son – I just can’t afford it.

And the man I love will be sitting down to eat with his wife and children.

Although my ex never really did anything for the holidays, at least he was a presence. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t visit him because he is once again in isolation due to some odd ailment (e. Coli this time). And I don’t really want to visit him anyways.

I will go get a free meal from the community center and come home and eat in while watching the parade or the dog show. It will be quiet.

I never expected this at age 55. I expected kids, grandkids, meals like I had experienced as a child. A family gathering.

I’ll be thinking of my MM and doing the what if…

Today he told me he is not a romantic. Duh. Does he think I haven’t figured that out over the past six years. That he prefers to buy me panties to destroy. Is that a declaration of sorts? I guess it depends on the perspective. And sometimes I just don’t know what that perspective should be.

Danger Danger

November 4, 2021

My MM and I are delving into dangerous territory.

I found myself masturbating with a knife. (Short video on my OnlyFans – )

We have been evolving – or perhaps devolving – into very dark area.

Although we both dislike the control issues and mind games associated with BDSM, there are a lot of aspects we do enjoy. And now we are talking more about that thin line between pleasure and pain.

That line keeps getting blurrier.

TOY TEST – Sohimi Rose Queen Clitoral Sucking & G Spot Vibrator

October 13, 2021

This is another well-packaged product from Sohimi. While I already had the rose sucker aline, engineering it with a good g-spot vibrator makes this toy even more desirable.

One thing I have discovered about clit suckers is that they are not good for short-term use. In fact, whenever I start to use one I always wonder what the fuss is. They never seem to have much suction, including this one. The key to getting the most out of a sucker toy is prolonged use. After I finished with the vibrator, I went back to the sucker and just left it on for quite a few minutes. THAT’S when the power of the toy came into play. I don’t think it was because my clit was already sensitive from play, I think it was because I did not give the toy enough time in its initial use to sensitize my clit to it. The longer I kept it on, the better it felt.

The dual purpose of this toy was such an innovative idea. It came in such a pretty box with a rose embossed on it. It was already endearing just because of that. The g-spot vibrator had just enough curve to it to bump against the top of my vagina in search of that elusive spot (in other news, it found it). Several modes are included on this vibe, which always gives way to inventive uses. With this product having two toys in one, it is easy to switch from one to the other by just swapping ends. That leads to almost limitless playtime.

Over all I give this a 4.5, but a 5 for ingenuity.

You can purchase the toy here – – Be sure to use promo code DESTERA to save 10%, or go to and search Rose Queen Clitoral Sucker and save 20% without a code needed!

Video of the test will be on my Pornhub today, October 13 –

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