Who would have ever thought we’d still be together this long?
He told me a while ago
(That was supposed to say “twin flames”)
I think I am more in love with him than I was even a year ago. Even though this year has been challenging for us to get together. I do have a trip tentatively planned to go see him in a couple of weeks so I hope that goes through. 🤞
It is frustrating though – I find my perfect guy but I can’t have him fully.
I guess I should just be glad I have him at all – which I really am.
I am sad to announce that as of TODAY, I will be retiring from sex toy testing, and in essence Pornhub.
This comes after much contemplating. My blog has not gained any traction and I have very few readers. I feel like I’m getting too old for this also which may be part of why I’m not gaining any ground. Also due to new Pornhub regulations it’s hard to gain viewers on that site.
That does not mean that this blog will shut down completely. I will still update it periodically with news on my affair and other things that may happen. However, the storage capacity on my site is very full and I do not make enough off of this to afford an annual plan – in fact I make nothing off this.
I may upload the Pornhub, again, very periodically, like after a visit to my guy. If I do, I will announce that here and on my Twitter/X account, @morgandestera (also Bluesky and Instagram at the same username.)
Thank you for being my readers and viewers. I will be back, just not as often.
It’s been 10 months since I’ve last seen my guy. We had two cancellations in the process. I was supposed to see him in January but his W fell off of a stool and broke her leg severely and basically he had to take care of her for several weeks until she was a little bit more mobile. Then in May we were supposed to meet again, however, projects got in the way.
But now it’s July and it seems like we always have a July date. Maybe it’s a “this time next year” situation, but we always hope see each other before that. Plus, we are in constant contact.
The time couldn’t pass fast enough. The train couldn’t go fast enough. But I must say this is the first time I haven’t had a delay going to there since the very first time I went. Which is great because we were both so anxious it was ridiculous.
When I finally got to the room, he allowed me just about enough time to put my bags down before he basically attacked me. He was groping me and kissing me fully. Of course I responded in kind. All I know is that I had an orgasm within the first five minutes of entering the room.
He was already naked when I got there which saved some time, but I was fully closed so he pulled off my shorts, but kept my panties on because he loves panties. He rubbed me through them and even sucked me through them. His hands groped me and ran all over. Especially seem to enjoy my belly this time. He played with it almost constantly – just kneading it and grabbing handfuls of it and rubbing his hands over it. My breasts also got a lot of attention and I came home with several large bruises on both of them.
I really can’t remember in what order everything happened. But I know I was squirting and pissing all over the place, and he was sucking it up and licking and probing, and he had hisf cock in and out of me so many times. He had his hand in there too really desperately trying to fist me, but I don’t think he got all the way in. I think he got four fingers in, but that was about the extent of it. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to get all five into my pussy – I think I’m just too small for that. However, my ass is another story. I think with a lot of work we could do it but we need more time. I know he spanked my ass a few times, which I loved.
It was really a great night. After several (hundred) orgasms he let me rest and he just held me, which is something he normally does not do. I was in bliss. I mean, that’s all I ever really wanted. I haven’t felt so secure and happy in years I felt loved. I felt adored. And then he attacked me again.
He finally came and we just held each other panting afterwards.
Again, that’s what all I really wanted. We did talk about cuddling a few weeks ago and I told him I understood that that’s not something he really likes to do or feels comfortable with. He said he wouldn’t mind it. And he showed me that this time. Maybe he’s touch-starved… maybe he’s ME-starved…
Even in the morning, we just held each other – and groped each other in the process. But it was nice to be able to feel him pressed up next to me, knowing that he wasn’t going to roll away. Not that he ever did roll away but sometimes it just felt like there was a wall there between us. And I’m sure it’s just the way I interpret things. But even with that wall there, we were still very close. But now I feel we are even closer. As close as we can get without being Mr. and Mrs.
Damn, it’s all I ever want from him. Just his presence in my life.
Pretty much what happened
And maybe the fact that we weren’t recording video or even taking pictures this whole time. I felt that this was our own little realm. There is no one else looking in on us. We could just be ourselves. I wouldn’t have to block him out in order to upload it. It was just he and I.
The day I left, we also did some cuddling and gave him a big blowjob before he just ravaged me again. My legs straight in the air up his chest, his hands under my hips, holding me up as he slammed hard into me. It didn’t take long and we were both climaxing. My pussy and ass are still raw from all of it.
“You’re sending me to work tired again,” he teased.
And unfortunately, he had to go. He showered dressed, and I rubbed his back a bit and give him a kiss. And then it was time.
It’s always so hard to leave. I’m to the point now where I can walk out and not look back, but I always want to. I always just want to stay, but I know I can’t. I just hope someday he’ll come to the realization that we are much happier together than we are apart. I think he knows that but he just can’t do anything about it. I don’t think it’s a won’t do anything about it at this point – I think it’s a can’t.
He knows I’m there for him. He knows I love him. That’s what matters.
And unfortunately, for the next 12 weeks he does not have a day off due to a HUGE project at his job. This has been coming for a while and he warned me about it months ago. He did tell me he will take a couple personal days during that time and I told him he better. But he knows I’m there for him and I will send him “motivation.”
There has been one toy that has been very intriguing to me since I saw it several years ago. That item is an ovipositor. If you don’t know what an ovipositor is, think of how many insects and fish mate. The ovipositor is a tube-like organ used by some female animals, especially insects, for the laying of eggs.
What is an ovipositor in a sex toy? It is usually a hollow type dildo in which you can insert silicone or gel egg-like objects to be deposited into a vagina or anus.
This may sound horrifying to some people, but I have been very intrigued by it since the first time I saw one in an ad. The idea of having something inserted into me just kind of titillated me.
If this does sound odd, it is really no different than having Ben-wa or Kegel balls in you – just the method of delivery is different.
So when JulietToys (Find all sex toys Here!) approached me to test some of their items I immediately gravitated towards the ovipositors.
Once I received it, I realized it would be a little difficult to try this on myself due to its size, so I called up my friend with whom I tested the snake dildo late last year. He was more than eager to comply.
Once we figured out how to load the eggs into the toy (lots of lube helped), he assumed the position and allowed me access to his ass. One thing we were both concerned about was what if one of the eggs got stuck inside. Having that in mind, we only used one egg at a time.
The dildo itself is quite large, and we both struggled with getting it inserted with all the lubricant that we used. I struggled to get enough grip on it without losing control. It did slip out of my hands a couple of times. I also thought I had inserted it only to find out that it had not breached his anus. Eventually what I did was shoot the egg out onto the outer skin of his ass and then pushed it in with my fingers. He enjoyed that feeling and sat up to push it out of him. It really came flying out. His review:
One thing I read was that the eggs should be made of gelatin just in case it would get stuck inside. The gelatin would eventually melt and would be able to be expelled easier. The ones they supplied are silicone, so must be used with caution. One day I will make my own gelatin ones, as I would rather use more than one at a time.
After I cleaned and sanitized it, I decided I needed to try it on myself. Again, I loaded it up and got two eggs settled in to it before I went to test it solo. The toy was a bit long for me to use on myself. I could not get enough “push” on it to have it enter my vagina. It was too long and I could not get my hand on the bottom of it to push. The sides were slippery with lube so I could not get good grip on it, just like with my friend. But I feel that these were my failings and not those of the toy itself. I did manage to get two eggs into me and that’s when I decided that it was a lot like using Ben-wa balls, only kinkier. I enjoyed “laying” them. One shot out rather quickly and surprised me.
As I mentioned, JulietToys has a few different ovipositors available. This one just may not have been the right “fit” for my friend and I. I am curious to see if a different one would suit me better. The one I have is insertable about 8 inches and has 4 graduating “knots”. It is quite wide which is why we struggled a bit.
It also glows in the dark.
All in all, I think it’s a toy worth exploring. I rate it an 4.2 out of 5. You may want to try a smaller size to start with however. My one real complaint is that the squeeze bulb used to project the eggs into you is not permanently sealed into the toy, so it does fall out somewhat easily. Sometimes it comes out at inopportune times.
There isn’t much to say about this toy. It just seemed to be the same old thing just packaged differently.
One thing I will say that I did like was the rolling balls inside of it that made it thrust. It did give a little bit more texture to the experience. The description on the website however says that the tip “curls” to hit your g-spot. I did not experience anything like that. It’s just the motion of the rollers inside. As noted in the photo, the tip is angled slightly but I wouldn’t say it’s curls around anything.
I also liked that the handle was easy to hold because of the hole in it. But the buttons were just slightly off for me to access easily.
The rabbit sucker added to this also is nothing new. Many toys now have this feature. The suction is quite good, I will say as it has 10 different suction modes. It also boasts 3 different motors, one for each of its methods: thrusting, vibrating, and sucking.
It is a good length and has a very easy-to-clean skin which is always a bonus. The skin is soft yet supple.
It’s a good toy overall but nothing spectacular. Maybe I’m getting jaded by all the toys I have tested over the years, but this doesn’t seem to have anything new or innovative to it. Still I would not let chat prevent you from trying it. Maybe you’ll feel something I didn’t as each of us are wired differently.
Here is another multi-purpose toy that seems to get the job done! This one is from our friends at Sohimi.com.
I have seen toys like this advertised on Pornhub and they always intrigued me. The flapper part seemed like a new and innovative way to hit the female G-spot. I was happy when Sohimi gave me the opportunity to try one for myself.
The toy itself is nice to look at and feel. It has a soft skin. One problem I did encounter was the placement of the control buttons. They were not awkward to find and use and I feel they should have been on the top of the handle rather than on a curve at the bottom. This toy does have an app where you or a partner can control the toy. This may be a better option to use
Also sadly this toy uses a magnetic charger. As you probably know, I have a great to stay in for magnetic chargers because it is so easy for them to become disconnected. They are also somewhat hard to get the charger attached due to the polarity.
Unfortunately I was also a bit disappointed in the flapper. Perhaps because of my hysterectomy (no cervix so my vagina is slightly shorter now) it did not hit the right spot and didn’t do much of anything for me. Perhaps it’s better on someone else, but I was not the ideal model for it.
The dildo/vibrator that goes with the flapper was good. It has seven modes that put me through the paces. I was surprised by the thrusting action of the vibe.
However, when I flipped it around… the lips – wow! The lips are articulated and move much like a human mouth. Once I got that attached to my clit, the movement and the suction were off the charts! I climaxed hard!
Overall I give this toy 4.3 out of 5. It’s a fun toy and very innovative but still could use just a little tweaking. I will use it again and I think the lips may become one of my favorites.
I’m still here. This winter was just tough on me. The blahs. My MM and I were supposed to meet up in January but in late December his wife fell and broke the tip of her tibia off! She had to have surgery and could not put any weight on it for three months. That meant either he or one of the kids had to be there at all times for her. It may seem like an excuse. But he sent me the x-rays so I know that it’s legit. She is doing much better and has started PT now but this month he has been extremely busy because they are switching out entire computer systems at his job. (Background note here is that they were still using Windows 96 to run all of the business’ tech. If something would’ve happened to those computers it would be very difficult for them to repair. So they finally got the money to change them all out. However, this means that he has been working on his day off the last three weeks. This week was the first one he’s had off since then. And next week he has to work his day off to get those last computers figured out.
We still talk almost every day and we really want to get together. Hopefully his wife will get back to work in the office soon instead of working from home. Or even better hopefully she’ll be able to travel for her work soon.
Right sent me part of his Christmas bonus money. It’s not that much but it certainly comes in handy. I’m trying not to spend it until I can go see him, but it’s getting to the place where I might have to.
I recently realized a really weird parallel. When my husband was still alive I had all these people with the same name in my life. I had a brother name the same. I have a brother-in-law named the same. Of course my son was named the same and a couple others. NOW I’m finding my MM’s name popping up in my life. I have a great local friend who works in the same field I used to who has the same name and is actually from my MM’s area. Also, my general practitioner has the same name — and my son has the same middle name. It’s weird.
Nothing else really going on at the moment. I started volunteering at the local Art Center a couple days a month just to help them keep the doors open. It’s not much since that we are in such a small rural area, but it gets me out a little bit and gets me a little tiny bit of culture — and I do mean very tiny.
Morgan Destera 