Transfer Post – Ugh

March 18, 2017

It’s been an up-and-down week and I just haven’t had the energy to write. But I support you all in your decisions and everything still although I may not say it. Just some evidence piling up that wake me up at night.

I am 95% sure my MM slept with an “old friend” this week. I haven’t gotten him to admit it, although I have hinted around i suspect. He did say something that his friends list is getting shorter all the time, so maybe it didn’t work out. I do not want to confront him or fight.

I am more disappointed than anything. I tell myself I don,t care, but its obvious to myself that I do. Yet I still find myself drawn to him and sexting with him every day. Damn I’m weak. I am sure I knew it would happen all along.

I am hurt, but not devastated. I just wish I felt I was good enough. Its a blow to me, though.

I know I will go to bed with him again in a heartbeat.

Plus I had some ugh news about the ex and his eyes….

Transfer Post – More Musings on the Wife

March 2017

Since MM and his W are pretty much long distance also, I always believe they are having sex when they do get together. But I know this to not be the fact in reality. He has told me she doesn’t like to have sex much anymore. I don’t know if its because of age/menopause or just because she really doesn’t care. He has also told me she still loves him – but has also told me he feels like he is buying her affection with the gifts he gives her. He buys me gifts, too….but I am certain they are two totally different type of gifts, lol. He also said she is unhappy most of the time.

I try to play Devil’s advocate and see her side of the story as well – left alone most of the time to raise two boys. But I also know she has a ton of help from other family members. She also has the means to travel to see him a lot more than I do, plus she travels for business too.

The only really kind of mean/bad thing I said about her was one time MM and I was joking about how kinky sex is replacing vanilla sex and he asked me if that was a problem. I said, not for me but your wife probably won’t like it. He laughed hard – but I apologized and he said, you don’t need to be sorry, it was funny!

So….I get confused with the wife. If she really is unhappy, i wish she would leave him. I know he won’t leave her – at least at this point – due to the business. If the business is all they really have holding them together, that can be negotiated. I also don’t like the way she treats him sometimes, but all i know is his side of the story.

I just know if i was married to him and separated from him for so long, I would be worshipping him when I did get to see him. Much as I do now.

 

Transfer Post – His Birthday

Late February 2017

(A few weeks ago) is MM’S b-day. He just told me he decided to go to Vegas to celebrate it. No mention of wife and kids – and he has always told me if they are coming. He said the place he is at right now until the end of the month is really bad and noisy and he just wanted a little quiet. So I won’t get to talk to him tomorrow and definitely not see him. He just wants to go play some slots, which he finds as mindless fun. Am I thinking too much about this? No family going. Makes me wonder if something is up

—————

(Later that evening) I was really thinking that he was just going to relax BUT

I just got an out-of-context message from him and i asked what it was about and he said oops, wrong person. I asked who else he was talking with and he said his wife. But i was under the impression he didn’t talk to his wife on the same app. I don’t know for sure though.

I know he talks to other people….but now i am in overthinking mode

Argh

—————-

(Two Days Later)

Update:
Talking to MM right now. All is good. He said he went alone for some quiet because the place he is staying at for his job is really noisy and icky. And he just wanted a little time. Played a few slots. I get no air of guilt or hiding from him. He did message me as soon as he got back.

Transfer Post – I Think I Did Something Stupid

December 3, 2016

Was at my brother’s Christmas party tonight and got drunk. Texted my MM…

“I love you enough to let you go until you’re ready to come back. You have so much going on. I am here for you. If you don’t come back I will be sad but  I’ll understand. You deserve happiness. I want to be that for you…

“Send me a keychain (inside joke) and i’ll know you care. I am sorry baby. You don’t need the stress. You have enough going on.”

Then later a few “sorry” messages . And an (so far) unread “no guilt” message.

I feel like such an idiot now. Last thing he needs is more problems.

EDIT: He did write back the next day and everything is cool. And he DID send me my keychain! Poor guy had to fly across country and back in 24 hours on a quick assignment form work – on his day off.

Christmas is coming. He will be gone two weeks with his wife and family. That sucks. He was quiet at Thanksgiving too since his wife and family was with him. I also know he’s been extremely busy at work. I hope to fly out to see him in January or February

Transfer Post – Do You Believe in Signs?

Mid-October 2016

This past weekend was busy. My brother celebrated his wedding and I travelled to pick up my son so he could attend. Originally I was going to take him back on Sunday and then immediately drive up to visit my MM. But he cancelled – again.

So I was driving home from dropping my son off, and of course I was thinking about him and if all this is just a waste of time since we can never seem to get together. I was actually thinking of breaking it off …. and then this car comes by with Out-of-state plates and some bumper stickers. And as I go to pass it I see a sticker with his last name on it! Now, it is not a very common name, so I was totally startled. And the plate was from the state he is from…

I guess there is a guy who was senator from his state who was running a few years ago. BUT he is not active now, so this sticker is several years old.

I don’t know if I believe in signs anymore, but this was pretty blatant.

Transfer Post – One of Those Nights

October 6, 2016

This was one of those nights that makes me really wish he wasn’t married. Six hours of sexting fun and flirtation – even while he was at work. And photos and short vids. And intimacy too. The chemistry was churning. I almost wanted to cry because my heart was so full. Almost. I get to see him in 9 days…

He is NOT leaving the state without us getting together!!

Ugh. He drives me crazy. A few days of not hearing form him, and then POW – he steps up and shows me he does listen and cares.

Transfer Post – Insomnia Pays Off

September 2016

Because my brain rarely shuts down, I was up late last night. I was very surprised to hear my notifier go off while I was reading. I glanced at the clock – 3:00 a.m.! What was he doing up so late when he has been working 16-hour days?

He had gone out with the rest of his crew and was “drunk and horny”.

God it was a great night! Neither of us slept. We just sexted and flirted and sent videos and photos all night. We even planned for me to come up this evening since he is not too extremely far away… But later realized we would both be too exhausted by then (and he still had to work before I would make it there.

Next week, though… 😉

But this was one of the sweetest, sexiest nights I have had while being alone.

6 days….

So, A Ben-Wa Ball Got Stuck in My Vagina…

March 21, 2019
I was talking to my guy for several hours today. During the course of our conversation, we decided I should use my Ben-Wa Balls. I do need to use them a bit more right now to re-strengthen my pelvic muscles after the surgery and just basically healing for the last 10 weeks.

So I popped them in. First thing I notice is that the lower one does not seem to fit in as well as it had before. I used to be able to fit both in relatively easily. Now the second one seemed dangerously close to falling out. It wasn’t really a surprise; the surgery had shortened my vagina a small bit. I finally got them both to stay. And I went to the store with them in. They felt different than they used to, but not uncomfortable.

When I returned home, I kept them in a bit longer since they weren’t bothering me. After I ate lunch,  I went to take them out. As expected, the lower one fell right out. I probed for the other one, and couldn’t even feel it! I thought maybe it had fallen out too, but it wasn’t with my panties or anywhere around. Surely one couldn’t have fallen out while I was shopping…

I went to the bedroom and got into a better position and really probed myself. There it was! Way up in my pussy. There seemed to be a wall of flesh it hid behind. So maybe my vagina wasn’t shortened too badly, but I need to strengthen the muscles back up to push more. I couldn’t reach my fingers deep enough to grasp it. I just pushed it deeper. I tried pushing but it barely moved. I used to be able to push them out with little effort.

I went into my toy bag and got out my forceps. From my angle, though, I could not grasp it with the tongs. I was able to move it a bit with a shovel-like motion, but could not remove it. After a rest, I tried again. I even used my Magic Wand to make sure I was well lubricated, hoping it would slip out.

After some research, I tried a few other methods to remove it. I crouched, I jumped up and down, I begged my guy to drive 10 hours to come help me out. He felt badly he couldn’t be here to help. But he got some awesome videos of my attempts.

Finally, after a short nap, I tried again. I jumped some more and then sat on the toilet. Finally! While peeing, the ball was able to push its way out – into the toilet. I had to go in after it. No biggie. By then, seven hours had elapsed.

But at least I know I need to use them more, and more importantly, know the best way to retrieve them!