Transfer Post – All is Well

July 13, 2017

Of course as soon as I write that, he messages me the next day. It always seems to happen. Everything seems absolutely normal, thank goodness. I was worried things would be tense. But everything was great. Messaged each other for a couple of hours. I have to stop overthinking!

As for home situation, not much can be done. There are no women’s shelters near here and my counsellor told me I don’t want to go to one anyways because they are usually full and there is a lot of theft and bullying that goes on in them. I do feel safe here just trapped. I am not abused physically. Catholic Social Services told me to call them about local help, but I have pretty much gone through everything around here.

Transfer Post – An Ugh Day

July 12, 2017

Its just been one of those days I really hate.

Woke up and immediately my ex accused me of stashing money away. I haven’t been able to do that for quite a while and what little bit I did have stashed (under $200) has been long gone. He gets that way when he’s hungry. If he would stop eating fast food, maybe he could have more food at home. But he’d rather have the convenience of not having to cook than more consistant meals I guess.

But that immediately set me off on a bad mood. I could fire back that is it fair that I have sold my own possessions only to use that money to feed him, when it could have gone to get me my own vehicle and own place to live? I don’t have much left to sell, but am still trying. I even broke down and contacted Catholic Services today for help. But I am not physically abused so not sure what they can do.

And to top that all off, I still haven’t really heard from MM in about 10 days. He was home last week with family, so I figured it would be a longshot if I heard from him then. I did break down and messaged him last night and he replied pretty quickly, but was busy at work so we only got a few minutes. And since my ex already wrecked my mood, all I can think is why isn’t my MM talking to me?

I overthink badly. I have had it more in control recently, but this feels as bad as it has ever been. I’ve been on the edge of crying all day. I’ve done some meditating, and it helped briefly. But I can’t seem to control it. I just get worst-case scenarios – maybe he didn’t like our meet up. Maybe he feels its time to back off. Maybe guilt set in and he decided to slowly ghost me. Argh

I need another vacation….

Again….

April 20, 2019

So, today he tells me his family may come to visit on his one day off when we were expecting to get together.
BUT he says we will still plan on getting together. He’s only going to be 2 hours away, so that should still work out.
Damn I really need some time with him.
He said he can’t deny his kids, and I said I wouldn’t want him to.

But sometimes I think he is holding me at arm’s length. He says time after time he wishes I was with him, but when the time comes there always seems to be an excuse (although the last couple of times were cancelled because of me, he still had an excuse in Feb/March).

If he doesn’t want to get together, he should say so. If he wants to keep it total flirting online, he needs to tell me. But it doesn’t negate the fact we’ve already fucked, and fucked hard, and loved every minute of it.

I know his limitations. I know he doesn’t want to break up his family. I have never made demands.

I just want to spend time with him every now and then.

 

Final Surgery Follow-Up

April 17, 2019

I had my final follow-up from my surgery finally. She was surprised that I had new rings. She was like I see you got them (the old ones) put back in, – oh! There’s 5 now! Weren’t there only 3 before? I said yes, but probably can’t get anymore cause there’s not much more room. She said I’m sure there’s other things you can have pierced. So I told her what happened with my nipple piercing and she couldn’t believe it ripped out.

But now I am thinking about what else I can get done. A Triangle piercing looks interesting. I wonder if my piercer can do it? But I have other things to do first.

She did have to remove a couple of threads from stitches that did not dissolve all the way. She also used some silver nitrate so I won’t bleed if there’s any irritation. Encouraged me to “play” just to make sure there’s no problems before I meet up with my guy in a couple of weeks.

She was in there quite a while, not just a quick in and out. It had to have been 10 minutes. Being in stirrups, being stretched open by a speculum, being probed…. When I got home and started talking to my guy, I had to break out the Magic Wand – Doctor’s Orders.

Oh! That ben-wa ball that got stuck a few weeks ago? It seems there is a muscle kind of protruding so the ben wa ball got stuck behind it. It’s not a bad thing, and the muscle is important; it just protrudes more on the one side. It should not affect anything.

Transfer Post – Got to See Him

June 28, 2017

MM had to go in to work for a few hours. So I thought I’d check in. It’s been great fun! But he has been a tad stand-offish. Like he didn’t kiss me when he got in last night or when he went to work today. If he doesn’t kiss me goodbye tomorrow i,ll be pissed. I think its that “Pretty Woman” thing – too intimate. Yet he loves doing other crazy deeply intimate things.

But our rapport has been good. Sex has been off the charts amazing wow!!

Still tonight and early tomorrow morning to go 🙂

EDIT: Got my kiss. Nothing spectacular. We took a picture together, which is cool. He looks happy in it. But he was Sitting on the bed which made him more my height, lol. I hugged him (he hugged back) and kissed his cheek, and then his lips. No tongue. Told him bye. And then walked out. I felt good though. I told him i could walk away and know we’d still be friends. I did everything he expected of me. But now I am nervous again. Once I got to the car I realized I forgot to say thank you so i texted him a quick “like an idiot i forgot to say thank you for everything and for my birthday present. We should do it again sometime…” and he sent back “You’re welcome! Thanks for the visit.” And i said “anytime” And just now when I messaged him to tell him I made it back safely, he wrote back “Glad you made it safe and had a nice drive” Again, WTF I know he had some crap handed to him at work yesterday (he’s at work when I sent that) so maybe he’s just under some stress. Next week he is home with family for 4th of July. He and his youngest son are building a gaming computer. I guess I’ll back off a bit for now. Maybe he’s in Overload right now

Transfer Post – Upcoming Visit

June 2017

Had a talk with MM yesterday about my visit. I am planning on going to visit tomorrow. Actually there was been little time we haven’t been talking in anticipation of the visit. But this little talk changed the tone.

He wanted to make sure I didn’t expect “hearts and flowers” romance. Or a deep relationship. That it would actually “put him in a bad mood, which would not be good for either of us”. And that he wasn’t “in a mental or emotional place to do romance”. That this was just a “fun escape from the norm.”And that he “might have told me not to come if I expected hearts and flowers and serious conversation.”

WTF

But then, an hour or so later when things had gotten back to normal, he said he “takes his responsibility to me very seriously” (I think he meant to keep me horny) and that “somebody’s got to do it”. And that he likes it when I am the opposite of his wife. And a few other things that just messed with me.

Where was this the other times I visited? And I knew he can’t run off and marry me, lol.

But basically i told him too that really I am not in a position to do a relationship until I can get my own situation under control, no matter how much I might want it. And that I want to take what I can get and walk out on a high and know we’ll still be friends.

So I guess we are Friends With Extreme Benefits. But i’d really like to inow why he thinks he is mentally and emotionally not in a place for romance. Just because he’s married? Am I confusing to him?

But I’ll take him anyway I can, and be available still. Maybe eventually things will smooth out

But as of right now things are still on. We talked today right up until he had to leave for work. Everything felt good right until the very end. He just seemed a tad off.

I hope guilt/other bad doesn’t kick in and make him cancel in the morning!!!

Transfer Post – Family

April 2017

It’s kind of funny. MM is now opening up about his family. And talking about getting caught (not what would happen, but that he’s mentioning it at all is a big step. He’s mentioned it twice this week where, he has mentioned it maybe 3 times the rest of our relationship.)

I have never pushed for info on his kids or wife. This week he sent me a pic of the kids. They are 11 and 13 and the younger one looks just like him. He also told me today about how he doesn’t like the way his wife is raising them. And now I know his kid’s names but not the wife’s.

He will have the kids alone for two weeks this summer (at one of his work locations). I hope he can talk to them a bit then. I am trying to give him advice, but subtly.

It really makes me wonder what is really going on in his head.

Wife and kids are now there for 10 days. They just got in tonight. And we’ve been talking all day though he’s been at work. He’s been really attentive. I feel he does love me.  And he did say it’s going to be a tough week.

He’s Back

April 7, 2019

I love it that the first thing he does is message me when at the airport (away from his wife, heading back out.) Then later he had a layover for a few hours and messages me. We ended up with a lot of puns and innuendos stemming from a conversation about Chik-Fil-A that really went into the sexual fantasy zone. And when he got back to his hotel room he messages me again. We got into some heavy sexting. So much so I broke out my Big Blue vibrator. He fell asleep, but messaged me back when he woke up even though it was after mdnight. We got more sexting in, again with Big Blue. Saturday was a lot of fun after a week of no contact.

TMI – Nipple Pumps/Clamps

Again these come in many many different varities. The very first thing my MM  ever sent me was the Nipple/Clit pump set pictured. (Really TMI – he loves a puffed up clitoris). I was very awkward with them as the only other sex toy I had ever used up til then was a plain old common vibrator my very first half-way real BF got me in college as a joke. The nipple clamps are the latest item in my collection.

They both can cause great sensitivity in the nipples. If you buy clamps, make sure they are adjustable strength like the ones I have. The thumb screws adjust how tight they are. It might be more comfortable, but looser can mean they fall off more easily.

The pumps can be a little tricky if you have big boobs. I have to flatten my breast out a bit to get them to hold. Place the opening end over the nipple and turn the screw end to create a vacuum inside the tube. Your nipple (or clit or labias, or wherever) will get sucked into the tube if done right. The pump can also hang for a while on its own.

You can also use a regular breast pump (for brest feeding) too. I was doing that for a while, hoping to lactate a bit. My breasts grew with the hand-pumping and my nipples were EXTREMELY sensitive. Never got any milk (did the pumping several times a day for about a month before my nipple ring got torn out (not due to pumping) and I had to stop.

If you get uncomfortable you can always remove the pumps/clamps. Don’t wear them too long as they could restrict the blood flow.

Also some guys may like to lead women around by the chains or pumps.

And in all fairness, my MM has used them on his nipples too. 😉 He likes to try – turnabout is fair play as he says.

Feel free to ask questions, as always

Next time, we’ll get a little darker. Electro-stim