Morgan Destera

April 6, 2018

Now that this thing may be working again, I’ll try one more time…

MM was supposed to be back to work this past Sunday. Didn’t hear anything. Maybe his plane got in late and by the time he checked in it was too late or he was too tired. No problem.

Heard nothing Monday… okay… maybe he worked late, but still…. paranoia setting in.

Tuesday… where is he? Is he ghosting me? Did he decide after all the time at home that it was not worth risking the family? I was really making myself sick. He wouldn’t do that. I always told him if he wanted out, to just let me know. He was fine last time we talked. Well, if I don’t hear from him by late Friday I am going to message him…

Wednesday… quiet. Argh! Don’t do this to me!

Thursday morning – FINALLY!

His return got set back a week. He’ll be more or less back on Monday. We did get to talk for a couple hours so now I feel better and can wait.

He said it was nice being back with family, but he’s more than ready to get back! They haven’t given him time alone hardly. That leaves no time for play (me).

They are settled into the new house. I asked if my room was ready and he said not quite. The kinky stuff isn’t installed yet. 😉 j/k

Last week they were in Jamaica. He got badly sunburned. Good, he deserves it for not talking to me for three weeks. Lol

But everything is good again

Except my car needs repairs – ugh

March 23, 2018

I’m still here. Last week and a few days leading up to it was very very bad for me. Almost to the point where I was considering hospitalization. Overthinking led me to horrible insomnia – and even my anxiety pills could not help. The meds would finally knock me out for a while, but I’d still be up in the middle of the night for a few hours before the drugs would kick in again (one dose, not multiple doses the same night). Even my ex remarked he could tell I was in a bad mood. But it was beyond that.

However, this past Monday I woke up and felt much better. Maybe I got some decent sleep. Somehow I just knew my MM would message me on Tuesday. Tuesday I was very mellow and waiting. He DID message me and we talked for about a half hour before his family returned. Since then, I’ve been okay.

Next week he goes on his family vacation. Luckily its only 5 days. Shortly after that he’ll go back to work and things will be back to normal. I am counting the days. About 10 to go….

Feb. 20, 2018

He’s home, moving into their new house and fixing up the old to sell.

10 days and I finally heard from him. 🙂 He was picking up the kids from school, so I only got 10 minutes, but that’s better than no minutes.

He told me that at the end of March they are going to Jamaica for 5 days. Thing is, he usually doesn’t like to travel during his breaks since he travels so much the rest of the year. But he’s been so busy moving/fixing up that I know he’ll enjoy the sun and lazy days. At least the kids will be with them.

I told him to send me a postcard.

Past few weeks, since our cancel, MM has been busy and hard to get a hold of. Finally over the past few days we have been able to talk. Today he brought up about meeting up again.

A week from Sunday he will be moving out to nearby me again (not as near as he was a few weeks ago, but still very very doable). He will be there for 3 weeks – BUT he is going home for one of those weeks. This kind of pisses me off because he KNOWS that is a week we could have used. But being near me also means he is nearer to home. So I guess he should take advantage of that

And he is the one who brought up getting together… he even mentioned maybe twice during the period he is there.

Ugh…. do I dare get my hopes up?

MORE CENSORSHIP – Smashwords has started pulling taboo erotica titles, despite them saying it is not a policy change, but an effort to tighten up their regulations – doesn’t that mean a change?

From Phaedus Wolfe, CEO of LotsCave.com who publishes and distributes my books:

“First Amazon, then Barnes & Noble, and now Smashwords are controlling the direction the entire publishing market, defining exactly what erotica consumers are allowed to read. If you control the terms, then you can control the outcome of social direction. UltraSmut authors are ignoring this at peril. You will lose every publishing platform going forward, including Lot’s Cave, if authors do not put a stop to this. Some ill-informed authors might agree with various publishing latform claims that this is just “competition”; this is just “free market”; and if one does not like Amazon, if one does not like Smashwords, go make your own publishing platform. These authors have never started their own companies and don’t know what it means to start a business. These companies, including Smashwords now, have all built themselves up to the point of monopoly power on the back of protectionist government regulations.

“Small companies like Lot’s Cave need large companies like Smashwords to plow the path ahead, without which it’s difficult to survive. We desperately want and need Smashwords to provide taboo authors an uncensored publishing platform. If Smashwords caves in to the vocal few complainers and discontinues publishing ultra-smut, it will make life extremely difficult for us by requiring Lot’s Cave to justify its existence.

“Lot’s Cave originally raised its concern when Smashwords implemented a new classification system for content deemed controversial. At the time, Mark Coker stressed the importance of doing so stating:
“Our new approach empowers those who know their content best – the author or publisher – to directly categorize and certify the erotic themes of their books. This will give our sales channels greater confidence to receive the erotica they want while avoiding the titles they don’t want…” “

Amazon started a trend we need to STOP!

May 26, 2019

I’ve barely talked to him since our missed date.

He’s busy. He told me he would be. New people are starting at work and they are all in training mode. Yet I miss him. My ego is still bruised over the cancellation. We’ve had one really good talk session since then and just a couple of short chats.

It’s a holiday weekend and I’m down too. Nothing is going on. It’s not even good to be online because it seems everyone else is out doing things. And I am stuck. I’m tired of this. Even if I did have plans I wouldn’t be able to do anything. No money, no energy, and being controlled by an ex who holds the keys to his car, is too ill to do anything Or let me go far, in case. When I do have plans they usually get broken. I can’t even make a special meal because there is no money for food and I don’t have a grill. The guy I want is miles away and caught up in his job. So I sit around bored and depressed, wanting so much but never having. I can’t do this much longer.

 

 

December 16, 2017

Had a great time with my brother yesterday at Winterfest! It was so beautiful! The best part was though, my MM messaged me and asked me how it was. Unfortunately we only got to talk for a minute because I was on my way home from my brother’s, but I was stopped at a gas station and was able to talk for a bit. I was hoping he’d be up still when I got home, but he had an early flight to go back home this morning. 😦  But I did leave him a message. And it makes me think he wanted to at least say hi/bye before he left. at least he’ll be back between Christmas and New Year’s rather than sometime in January.

As compared to my ex who messaged me a couple minutes before sayng “are you coming home tonght” and nothing about how it was or if I enjoyed myself. And then asked if I “had really gone to Winterfest” when I got home. So I had to show him pictures.

No I am not worried about him suspecting anything. He has been like that ever since I have known him – accusing me of having boyfriends, going to see other people, etc. even when we were married. Idiot. And part of why he is my ex.

November 28, 2017

MM is back briefly. He must have really missed me the last couple of weeks. We spent the most part of 12 hours talking and sexting.

But I also kind of got the feeling he may be at a crossroads or something. There were several times he just seemed frustrated and we spent a large chunk of conversation talking about whether his kinks make him a bad person. He also said his W might be getting the idea he is kinky… but probably does not realize to what extent he is. He told me she asked him if he would enjoy watching her have sex with someone else. This leads me to wonder if she suspects he’s having an affair or maybe SHE’S having one too. Or maybe she’s afraid she’s going to lose him. I asked him that, and he said he didn’t know: he didn’t want to question her too much (and perhaps throw suspicion his way). I just got the impression he is not happy at home but doesn’t know what to do about it. Especially since they are building a new house, etc. i just reassured him and several times during the whole night let him know I appreciate him. He, in turn, made sure I had a couple or orgasms from sexting/videos. He always has been a gracious lover. I even dared to bring up “if this was our honeymoon, we’d be doing this…” type stuff.

(Sigh) Starting Sunday he is home again for an entire week. Then he has to go back to work for 2 weeks before he gets 2 weeks off for the holidays.

November 19, 2017

And so the holiday no-contact days begin.

MMis going home tonight, will be back Tuesday night for work, his family is coming in Wednesday for Thanksgiving and staying until Friday. Wednesday through all of next week, his job hours almost double as they try to reach as many people as they can in a short period. He will have next Monday off as well, but I believe he is going home then also. I don’t expect to hear from him all week (sigh). He is there (somewhat nearby, but also closer to home) until Dec. 2. He will be closing things down for probably another week after that, and then home for the holidays. All the no contact, though I’m sure he’ll say “Hi”when he can.

For Thanksgiving I am once again third-wheeling with my brother and his husband as they visit a friend. We will probably hit the casino, as we did last year.

I am getting tired of being a third-wheel, but I am not ready to lose him either. Just another case where I have to wait.