Morgan Destera

December 19, 2019

So my baby girl Leia has not been feeling well the last day or two. She has been having a hard time breathing and is in general distress. Vet says she may have congestive heart failure. 😓 She is on some meds now. I hope they help. But she won’t be around all too much longer – less than a year at best. My ex feeds her people food no matter what I say so she doesn’t eat her dog food. I am sure this has contributed to her health.

December 13, 2019

Of course I follow my MM’s workplace on Facebook and Twitter and such. Yesterday the social media manager posted some photos that made me squeal. But what really surprised me was the amount of pride I felt seeing my man’s signature on there. I wanted to boast how I know him, but of course I can’t. I felt really good being associated with him. He is part of something much bigger than just him, or just me, or him and I. His work touches lives.

November 30, 2019

Thank you Umania for allowing me to test your product.

This little clit sucker lacks the suction needed to make it an effective clitoral stimulator. Even turned up to its highest setting, it wouldn’t even clamp onto my finger, much less my clit.

However, the bullet vibrator is quite effective. I was easily stimulated by the strength, and especially the shape, of the toy. I was able to manuever it nicely. The controls were in a slightly awkward spot, but easy enough to use. The multiple speeds were nice, but it could use some more patterns, such as pulsing.

It is USB rechargable and waterproof. The packaging is not extremely discreet either.

Overall I give it 3.5 out of 5. It could use some re-tooling on vacuum strength.

November 28, 2019

Happy Thanksgiving

So, I am alone for the holiday without transportation. My MM hasn’t communicated since last Friday, and I’m feeling very isolated.

The ex took the car to go see his sister in Michigan for Thanksgiving. I am really glad he did. He needs to see them (it’s been years literally, until they brought the car to us last month, since he’s seen ANY of his family, much less this estranged sister). Plus I need a break from him. I am having a meal delivered tomorrow. But I feel isolated from my own family. Not that my family cares. Even my brother, whom I was very close to, has started to pull away since his husband got on my case last month about the whole car situation.

But what is really bugging me is that my guy hasn’t talked to me. Granted, hewas sick, yes. But he hasn’t even read my couple of messages. (I haven’t written since Sunday since I know he was on the road Sunday-Monday, and since he hasn’t readvthe messages I did send). I am assuming he went home for Thanksgiving. But this is the first time he didn’t let me know that he was going. Maybe he forgot, maybe he thought he did tell me. But since I am down anyways, it just stings.

EDIT: He messaged me today. He is still sick. He thinks it might be the flu. He is at his job, not home, but resting today. I feel better, but still missing him.

November 27, 2019

I saw him again! Three times in six months! Sadly, that’s a record.

I drive approximately 1200 miles, one-way, to see him.

I got there last Sunday night and stayed until Tuesday morning. Then drive back, a slightly different route, so I could take my kid to lunch too.

Sunday night was great. He got home from work and within 15 minutes we were naked and on the bed.

Unfortunately, Monday he was not feeling well at all. I didn’t push him. Really I wasn,t even disappointed. I would rather be there with him, than here with my ex.

We watched TV and napped and joked. I was totally comfortable. He did run out for food for us. Tuesday when I left, he looked very bad. I just kissed him and gave him a hug. He apolgized and said he hoped he would be more fun next time I visited.

He messaged me Friday night saying he was doing a bit better, but was still recovering. And he apologized again. I reiterated that I still would rather be there than here.

I miss him.

November 25, 2019

It’s taken me a while to decide to publish this. It may not seem much of an issue. But when it goes on repeatedly, it gets old and tiresome, and messes with me.

11/7/19 8:55 pm

ex comes in, sits on my bed, grabs tube of icy-hot, asks if i want a back rub, i say no, throws it angrily back on dresser

ex asks again, i say no, throws tube back

ex asks if i want a butt rub, i say no

ex asks if i want a boob rub, i say no, throws tube back

says “there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be doing anything (sexually) – it’s not like we’re going to get remarried”

“you’re going to be out of here soon anyways, right? no reason we shouldn’t do anything”

“you should let me look at your breasts so i don’t die a lonely man”

i say no, it’ll just arouse you more

comes around to look down my shirt, “you have a bra on”

me – well, yeah. i have nice cleavage (trying to lighten the situation)

“i want to see the whole thing”

me – don’t touch me

“you’re a fucking bitch! you want all this stuff but you won’t give. you,re a fucking bitch. fucking bitch!” stalks out of room

he did not touch me though

10:44 pm

very thirsty so i go out to kitchen to get a drink. he is sitting on couch. sees me, takes off his headphones

“i need to ask you something – do you really expect me to take care of you the rest of your life.”

uh, no

“when are you moving out?”

whenever I can

“don’t you think you should think about moving out.”

where would I go? how would i get there? Give me the keys. (I hold out my hand)

“Call (my brother). He’s your brother.”

He doesn’t have room for me. (And i did tell my brother what’s going on)

you know my situation (regarding my hearing and such)

“gah!” he puts his headphones on and ignores me

11:05

he just knocked on my door – stuck his head in – said, okay so we’ll start making decisions when you get your (ssi hearing) decision. You can always move down to (son’s place). This is bullshit. I’m tired…”

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Friday 11/8/19

1:00 pm

Discussing the previous night, he starts saying again that he doesn’t think there’s any reason why we shouldn’t have sex if I am staying. Says I don’t realize how “hard I make things for him” (i guess wearing “revealing” clothes (t-shirts and leggings or shorts) ). I said he should be able to control himself and I don’t want to be put in that situation. He stops the conversation, but agrees nothing can be done at this point about me moving out. but reiterates he wants me to stay

Sunday 11/10/19

9:55 pm

i gave him my phone to look at a picture our son drew and he started going through my photos! and got mad when i tried to take the phone away from him. he moved it out of my reach. luckily i didn’t have any pics from my guy in there

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Monday 11/11/19

8:30 am

I come out of my room dressed and ready to go to Group Therapy. He asks when I’ll be back. Then asks if I am wearing a new shirt – uh, it’s a long-sleeved t-shirt, I have a bunch of these I only wear when it’s cold, so just because you haven’t seen it in a few months doesn’t mean it’s new. He then says it looks nice. I thank him. then he says “You’re getting dressed up for all the guys in your group.” matter-of-factly.

I guess I should have never told him I am the only female in my group other than the therapist. There’s like 3-5 other people in the group depending on who all comes. Four of them are learning disabled. The other one is 70 years old and cranky. Plus it’s Group Therapy… I want someone stable.

November 11, 2019

After losing the ring last week, I ordered my new ones. They came in Saturday and I went up to have them put in Sunday. This was A little awkward as my ex decided to come with me to go to the mall. Of course he does not know that I have any genital piercings, so I acted like we were going to the mall and I left him in the bookstore to allegedly go to a few other stores. In reality I rushed out to the car and drove across town to the piercing shop. Luckily she was not busy and was able to get me right away. I really did not feel any pain or stretching at the time she was putting them in, except for one she had problems getting the bead set. That was the only one I could feel until I got home. After moving around some, I could feel them much more prominently. They are heavier than my old ones – I can feel the difference in weight. They don’t look too much different. But I did get some different colors. Two of them are rainbow hued anodized and the others are pink anodized. I had to mix and match them so the colors are diagonal from each other rather than straight across from one another. Once I got home I took photo for my guy and send it to him. He thought they were very good looking and can’t wait to get his hands on them. Eventually I want to get 8 gauge rings. But I have to work up to those. I have to wear these 12 gauge for several months before I can go to 10 gauge. Then 8. I don’t think I want to go any thicker than that. By the time I was done, the ex was calling to ask where I was. I rushed back and told him to meet me at the door, that I would bring the car around. He didn’t seem suspucious at all.

November 5, 2019

The other day I was sexting with my guy (nothing new there). I took a photo to send him and after I sent it and looked back at it, I realized I had lost my VCH (vertical clit hood) piercing ring!

I don’t know exactly when it fell out. And worse (to me) it was a ring that my guy had given me . (When I had it put in, I told him “If you like it, you better put a ring on it.”) I have a few others left, but they are in my ears. I don’t really see the point of taking one of those out in order to put it there.

He suggested when I get a new one in, to get a barbell, which would hit my clit more and possibly give me more pleasure. We had talked just recently about starting to make my piercings wider too. So I drove up to my piercer (45 minutes away) that afternoon (making an excuse to my ex so I could go). I had her put a bent barbell in. I think it looks nice. However, they did not carry any larger gauge jewelry. She suggested, though, that I order some online. They could put in a special order, but said I could probably get them faster and cheaper if I did it myself. When I got home, I ordered some new rings that my piercer said she would put in for me at a minimal price. I got a couple of different colors, rather than just silver. They should be here within a week. I am not sure when I might be able to get up to her shop by myself, though.

I will eventually get larger thickness rings, but not too huge. I don’t like the looks of those thick heavy rings. And truthfully I don’t understand how people can wear them! It would be hard to hide.

November 2, 2019

Thank you Xocity for allowing me to test your product.

This is the first time I’ve used a double-ended dildo. Being a single straight woman, I didn’t think there was much cause for one. But then I saw the diagram for this one, showing the double penetration scenario, and knew I had to try it. I always wanted to do DP and have done it with two separate toys, but wondered if this product could actually bend that way.

It did. 🙂

This toy is flexible yet sturdy enough to get in my anus with no problem. Some toys I have tried were too floppy to penetrate the hole easily. This one seemed “just right”. The length allowed it to bend easily to get to my vagina also. However it seemed once both ends were in their respective holes, one or the other would fall out. I don’t think this is the toy’s fault – more like I need three hands. And perhaps it would be better if I was in a different position, like laying down rather than standing.

I am looking forward to sharing this with my guy when I see him next time. However, that may not be for several months. I think he may have his own ideas what to do with it. 😉

It is also easy to clean with soap and water. The packaging was easy to access – a pull-apart clamshell rather than one that needs scissors to attack. It would be nice to have it in a more recyclable package though.

October 29, 2019

All my posts from Tumblr have now been moved over here. This has been my journey. I feel more confident now, but ever so much the same as I have been. One year ago I was feeling down in the dumps. This past Friday depression hit me hard, from out of the blue. I have no reason for this. Yes, he was with family again, but that is nothing new. I think part of it is seasonal – it seems to hit right around this time of year, whether it is the lack of daylight, or Christmas, or both, or many other things. I wish I could be with hm, share my days with him. I wish I was out of this living situation. The whole fiasco with the car just shook be down hard. I felt better for a few days but now am down again.