Feel A Little Better

March 30, 2020

The best news is my MM contacted me today. He apologized for not contacting me. It’s just tough being at home and not having a moment to himself since the family is around too. I told him about what’s going on. He seems concerned. And he tried to distract me, which is exactly what I need. He also told me it’s safe to contact him and keep him up to date.

So I feel relieved knowing he’s still around, though limited, as we all are.

Hell

March 27, 2020

The world is in disarray. My MM’s job got shuttered completely. He went home. I haven’t heard anything from him since St. Patrick’s Day. At least he let me know he made it home safely. Last I heard, his new job is in limbo due to all the Coronavirus problems.

As for me, I am numb. A week or so before all the virus stuff happened in the US, I went to my family Doctor for a routine check up. I went to get refills, so I had to have labs drawn. Two days later I got a phone call saying I needed to see a hematologist. Just about every single one of my numbers was off. Most of them way off. My white blood count (WBC) was 89.2, when 4-10 is normal.

So I went to my hematologist. I saw him not even a year ago when one of my labs was slightly off, but that was determined to be a lab error (new equipment had not been calibrated correctly). He was very shocked to see how bad my labs were. He drew them again and by then my WBC was over 92. A lot of the additional labs he drew were odd also.

So today I had a bone marrow biopsy done. My back/butt/hip really hurts. It was done on the CT scan table. They did not sedate me but did give me some pain medication (which didn’t really work) and a little calming medicine. A sticker of a grid was placed on my back, then I was CT scanned so he could determine where to put the needle. Then he marked it, removed the sticker, and washed it. Then he put the needle in, and drew off some fluid. He seemed to have to do this several times to get a good sample (aspirate). Then once that was completed, he had to push in to get a core sample of the marrow. That really hurt. It was all done by needle so there is no big hole in me or anything, but it is very sore. I feel I will have a bruise.

I don’t go to get the results until April 6, but I will be checking the computer every day to see if results come in. I think he is suspecting leukemia or a type of lymphoma. From my own research, Indon,t think it’s leukemia, but lymphoma or multiple myeloma could be a consideration.

I never got a chance to tell my MM before all hell broke loose. If I hear from him I will tell him once I get results.

I really could use his support though.

It really is odd going to a hospital during the middle of a pandemic. It was very quiet and empty. No visitors are allowed. It was shocking they allowed my ex in the waiting room, since he was my driver, but he was not allowed to come back with me. Which was fine with me. I could relax more without him there.

Corona virus

March 12, 2020

The virus is starting to hit all walks of life. My guys work has been canceled for at least the rest of the week. This may affect his new position also. We are supposed to meet up next week but that is all up in the air right now and I kind of doubt that it’ll go through just because of all the panic. And in my opinion it is a lot of panic. It’s a bad virus yes but it’s not worth all the hype that it’s getting. And I’m not just saying that out of disappointment.

I might not ever see him again

My Pornhub Content to be Limited

Please be advised that as of March 1, 2020, I will only be offering sporadic uploads to my Pornhub channel. After nearly a year of content and 172 videos I have not even earned half of what I need for a payout from Pornhub. My old content will remain. There will be no more regularly scheduled additions to content. I will add some from time to time, but uploads will be minimal Thank you

Oh No

February 22, 2020

My heart is breaking somewhat 💔
I was talking to My MM today and he dropped the bomb that he just signed papers for his new job.

He won’t be on the road anymore starting mid-April
He will be moving to NYC permanently.
His family will be moving with him in the summer, after school ends

I don’t know what this means
We are still getting together in March like planned
I told him I’d miss him and he said we’d still talk

I am trying to be supportive and happy for him
But dammit…

Here’s What Has Been Going On

February 8, 2020

I’ve been kind of quiet lately, partially because nothing has really been going on with my relationship and partially because I have suddenly become very busy, in a good way.

I found out earlier this week that I did not get my Disability. A few weeks ago this would have been devastating to me. But over the last 3 weeks or so, things have kind of changed.

Not with my relationship with My MM. That remains as strong as ever, maybe even more so. Since Christmas he has even been contacting me when he usually hasn’t before, even on days he is traveling. We have talked every single day this past week, even if it was for 10 minutes for him to tell me he was almost late for work because he forgot he had to be in early – which he found funny because he is the one who sets the schedules. He is way out west, 3000 miles from me, but he has been talking to me every night after work almost. Which means I stay up til 3-4 in the morning so we can chat. We are planning to get together in mid-March when I will drive to see him for a couple nights.

He will be in Canada for the next month.

The big change has been – #1 with my dog. Having a pup small enough to take with me has been a mood changer. I can tell the difference in my attitude.

The BIGGEST change however is #2 – back in the fall, I started advertising freelance writing on a website for that purpose. I had one or two small jobs, but suddenly – and I do mean very suddenly – I have been flooded with orders! I have been writing everyday! I have gotten some great reviews too, which has really helped my attitude. It’s not enough to live on, but if it keeps up, after a while I can raise my rates. I can also pick and choose my jobs and write when I wan5 to pretty much. Which gives me time to talk with My MM.

I just hope it keeps up. This is really what I want to do with my life.

So despite the disappointment with my Disability Hearing, I actually have a spark of hope. As long as my ex stays mellow. He did lash out at me the other day because he burnt his hand trying to cook spaghetti 🙄

So, we’ll see what happens

Let the cards fall….

For custom writing – https://www.fiverr.com/destera?up_rollout=true

REVIEW – Pelepas Panty Vibe

January 23, 2020

The one odd thing about this vibrator is that it came packaged with a pair of panties. Women are not all the same size. The panties would not even fit my calf. They were marked as a “medium” but I believe they were made for a more petite Asian market. I would rather have it come with a storage bag rather than panties that are not going to fit probably at least half of their clientele.

The box it was packaged in was pretty yet discreet. That is always a plus due to my living conditions,

I had a hard time getting the remote to synchronize up with the toy upon first time using it. It took several minutes, including me removing the toy to make sure that it was indeed turned on. This also happened the second time I used it, the next day. But you then I knew to wait, holding the button down, for a much longer period of time than indicated. Once it was synched I had no delays when cycling through the different modes.

Battery life was pretty good, lasting longer than most rechargeable small toys I have used. It comes with a two-print magnetic charger that sometimes is hard to keep connected if jostled.

The modes of rhythm were nicely varied. The vibration itself was strong. It fit nicely and didn’t feel like it was going to fall out, though it did slip around as I walked. This could be my error; perhaps it was not snugged in well.

Overall a nice toy I would recommend. It made me want more. A good way to rev up, good forvedging, but it did not send me over the edge. I would rate it 4 out of 5

REVIEW – Umania Lipstick Bullet Vibe

January 6, 2020

This has to be the best toy I’ve reviewed yet!

Small, discreet, very powerful. It came in a pretty pink box with discreet labeling. It also came with a storage bag, which I am always grateful for. It’s palm-sized, about the size of a lipstick. It also was fully charged so I was able to use it right away. The on/off button is a little awkward, as it is very low on the toy and on a curve, but since the item is so tiny, there was really nowhere else toput it. I would have preferred it a little higher up.

I was immediately impressed by how high the initial vibe setting was. A lot of toys “low” settings are boring and I usually skip directly to high. This toy was great even at it’s default. I cycled through all 10 settings and was not disappointed in any of them!

I give this 4.5 out of 5, the control button being the only flaw.

Nugget

January 4, 2020

I wasn’t actively searching for another dog. Too much is up in the air with my Disability, my son possibly moving home, my ex’s health.

However, sometimes the dog finds you.

Meet Nugget.

I was on Facebook on New Year’s Eve when a post from the dog warden caught my eye. The warden was posting looking for a home for a little dog whose owners could not keep him. The dog was not at the shelter but a phone number accompanied the article. Two badly lit and badly staged photos were also there. Details of the dog were hard to see, but he looked cute. On a whim, I contacted them.

That evening, “Chico” came home with me.

He was rescued from a neglect situation by the people I got him from. Unfortunately they were not able to have another pet in their apartment so had to give him up. When I went to check him out, I was leery. I had seen to many nervous and vicious small breeds and his background did not seem to be stable. But I took one look at his face and melted. He was calm and quiet, so I took him home. He still is very laid back and unfrightened. But very underweight. His spine and ribs are definitely defined.

“Chico” did not suit him, though. Throughout the evening, I went through several different names for him, and consulted with several friends looking for his moniker. Briefly he was Yoda, since my last dog was Leia and because his ears sort of look like the Jedi Master’s. Gizmo was mention, due to the ears, but I know a few other dogs named Gizmo.

When my MM got home from work that evening, I gushed to him about my new pup. After a bit, he came up with “Nugget”, which is an inside joke between us. It fits, due to his size and even his coloring.

Nugget rescued me as much as I rescued him. My brain feels free of the metal band that has seemed to wrap around it for the first time in months.

He is “registered” already as my emotional support dog. His training is beginning. His calm demeanor has certainly helped me already.

You can follow Nugget’s progress on Twitter – @NuggetPup1