TOY TEST – Fondlove Vibrating Anal Plug

December 8, 2020

NOT for beginners, which I liked. I was looking for a good sized plug. This one had a good girth which kept me “full” feeling. The motor was strong and had several different settings I liked. I liked the setting that started slow/low and revved up to full the best, along with the full-powered setting. I at first thought it was a defective product, as the power button is hard to find, but once I discovered it, I was very happy. The remote seemed good enough although I am not sure what distance it can be used from. Coming out of the box I thought it might be hard to clean since the rising had a hollow shape with a spiraled inner core. However, it is flexible enough to make the cleaning easier. The flexibility did not deter from its strength – I often find flexible plugs too soft to insert easily. This is a fine product I will give 4+ stars out of 5

Look for the full video on my Pornhub starting Wednesday December 9.

To purchase – https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08FR4SGF9

Still Here

December 6, 2020

No, I have not abandoned this blog. I have been working on a few projects which I hope to debut here soon.

Also my ex went into the hospital on Thanksgiving. They suspected Covid, but his tests came back negative. He was running 103 degree fever. It turns out he had pneumonia. So I’ve been dealing with the follow-ups from that and from his thyroid surgery also.

More soon! 🙂

Mindset

November 18, 2020

I still ache for my MM, but I don’t feel the absolute devastation and trauma that I did earlier this summer. It kind of scares me that I don’t in a way. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I’ve come to terms with this whole freakin’ situation. Acceptance, I guess. He’ll contact me when he can. It’s in his court. I still send him stuff but it’s up to him to read/view it. I miss him. I certainly hope we can meet up again. But I can no longer pin all my hopes on it. If it happens, it happens. If he messages, I will respond immediately but right now i just can’t keep my days free for him any more. Maybe if things settle and he starts contacting me regularly again, maybe things will change. But I have things to do, too. I miss him, don’t get me wrong. I’ll always love him, want him. But I cannot cloister myself away.

He has helped me grow. He literally saved my life. He opened my mind. I would not be the person I am today without his influence. He changed my views on life, sex, and love.

Deep down I will always wonder about what he’s doing, if he thinks of me, if he has unfulfilled wishes also. I’d like to think he does. I will always be his, in a way. But I have to be mine more.

This is not a goodbye, it’s a until we meet again. I hope we will.

Twitter Quotes

November 15, 2020

Quotes I have found on Twitter that make me think of my guy:

The desire to be with you holds me together and breaks me simultaneously.

you are the heartache I would choose over and over again

i miss the moments i should be having with you.

I miss your laugh – Your smirk- THAT look – I miss you

I miss your intelligence, your wit, your sexy dirty mind, your creativity, your humor. I miss what makes you YOU

I’m not sorry for the way I love you. I am sorry I didn’t find you and love you sooner.

Love is still love …. no matter what distance has to say

Every part of me aches for every part of you.

You have no idea how fucking hard it is to not think about you all the time.

you were never a risk – you were always an all-in

One word – One call – One text – One ‘I love you’ – One ‘I miss you’ – One ‘I changed my mind’ – One anyfuckingthing – Would have fixed it all. Would have started it anew – Just fucking one.💔

(credits were not given because I cannot verify the true sources)

Busy Medical Stuff

November 6, 2020

I’ve been quiet lately. This past week has been bonkers. I had an emergency eye dr appt on Monday when I started seeing flashes in my peripheral vision over the weekend. I apparently had a blood vessel break deep within my eye which the dr was afraid may be a retinal tear. So today I had an appt with a retina specialist. Luckily nothing came if that and the blood vessel is healing well. It seems my vitreous is detaching – which is normal as we age, but usually happens in your 60s years of age. My regular eye dr was afraid the vitreous may have torn a hole or was detaching the retina as well, but it’s not luckily. I do have to go back to retina dr in 4 weeks for double check.

Tuesday my ex had surgery consultation and Wednesday he had his thyroid remived due to cancer. That was two long days with him, including a hotel stay. Blech. I would rather be with MM in a hotel, lol.

Today ex is running a fever and is having a lot of trouble swallowing. Surgeon says he shouldn’t have this much problem and if it persists to go to ER tomorrow.

Spoke with my MM today. It’s been a bit since I heard from him again. He confirmed family is still at home with him and it’s hard for him to get time alone. They may shut down his state again too. Sigh. At least he checked in.

200+ Videos

October 25, 2020

As of today, I have 206 videos posted on Pornhub. 201 of those are free.

I have 100,000+ views

I have been a member for over 18 months.

I still do not have enough earning for a payout from them.

In order to be eligible for a payout – when they actually give you the money you earned – you need to have made $100.

According to their analytics, I have earned roughly $65.

That means I earn .00065 cents per view. I need at least another 53,000 views Of my free videos to achieve pay out. Or a few more people to buy my paid content or my downloads. My most expensive video is $1.99. Most are 99 cents. My downloads are 99 cents.

Or, you can tip me through the site. However, Pornhub still takes their cut from tips I earn.

I do not even know if Paypal will take its cut from those earnings too when I do achieve payout.

The best thing would be to contact me and I can give you my Paypal.

My Pornhub is https://www.pornhub.com/model/markiemoo1138

Thank you

His Medical Problem

October 13, 2020

I found out today my MM had emergency surgery last week. He had to have his bowels resectioned!

I am so done with this year!

He woke up one night with extreme abdominal pain. He thought at first he had another hernia. He’s had hernia surgery before, double-sided.

He went to the ER and a CT scan showed he had extra bowels! It was just something he was born with that just suddenly made itself known. He had to have several inches removed and resectioned. It was done laparoscopically. He was in for several days and had to have a feeding tube in his nose.

He is home now and doing much better.

I hate that I didn’t know. If something drastic had happened, I would never know.At least my son knows that if something ever happened to me, to let my MM know.

Out of Commission

September 24, 2020

Sorry I’ve been out of commission for a bit. Over Labor Day (Sept.6-8) I was in the hospital for 3 days with severe fatigue and weakness, probably due to my meds. My energy has been up and down ever since. I went on a day trip last Friday with my best friend and am just recovering from that too. I shut down my writing gigs for a bit while I recovered too.


And now last week I found out my ex has thyroid cancer! I can’t even be the sick one lol. His prognosis is good at this point. He cannot get surgery until early November due to the treatments he gets for his autoimmune disease which makes him susceptible to infections. When he has the surgery we’ll find out if the cancer has progressed into the blood or elsewhere. Thyroid cancer is highly treatable at least and slow growing.
There’s alway something…


Yesterday I talked to my MM all day. Just like old times. I miss having open access to him. But he is around more than he has been since he moved. I feel good about us again. 🙂 We sexted and sent videos and photos back and forth. We talked about getting back together though no solid plans were made. I think it will happen eventually. Patience.

Observation From A Friend

August 16, 2020

(Note – this should have been published on the above date. Somehow it got stuck.)

Response to my post (August 14) I received from a friend (used by permission):

But I don’t think he wants it over. Which is why he isn’t giving you the closure you desire. He is in a life right now where it just happens that he disappears for a while. You are a dear friend to him. He has proved that. But the problem as I see it is that he is so much more to you than you are to him. He enjoys the flirting and planning of dates when the time is right in his life. You crave it and watch for it every day. You need to get into a mindset that if you hear from him, that’s wonderful and special. If you don’t, it is because he is busy with other things in his life. Please don’t read that I am in any way suggesting that this is easy. I KNOW from firsthand experience, it is not. We are addicted to the attention. But that’s it right there. Find a way to break that addiction. Otherwise, you will no longer enjoy the sweet times when he does reach out. Because you are too obsessed with counting the weeks.

My response to her:

I totally agree with this. I am craving it. I am trying to focus on my writing more. I am trying to look at it as happy that I had him in my life at all. I am just so dissatisfied with my life in general I miss the good he gave me. Low self-esteem doesn’t help.
Ugh