Morgan Destera

August 16, 2020

(Note – this should have been published on the above date. Somehow it got stuck.)

Response to my post (August 14) I received from a friend (used by permission):

But I don’t think he wants it over. Which is why he isn’t giving you the closure you desire. He is in a life right now where it just happens that he disappears for a while. You are a dear friend to him. He has proved that. But the problem as I see it is that he is so much more to you than you are to him. He enjoys the flirting and planning of dates when the time is right in his life. You crave it and watch for it every day. You need to get into a mindset that if you hear from him, that’s wonderful and special. If you don’t, it is because he is busy with other things in his life. Please don’t read that I am in any way suggesting that this is easy. I KNOW from firsthand experience, it is not. We are addicted to the attention. But that’s it right there. Find a way to break that addiction. Otherwise, you will no longer enjoy the sweet times when he does reach out. Because you are too obsessed with counting the weeks.

My response to her:

I totally agree with this. I am craving it. I am trying to focus on my writing more. I am trying to look at it as happy that I had him in my life at all. I am just so dissatisfied with my life in general I miss the good he gave me. Low self-esteem doesn’t help.
Ugh

All Mediplex chapters only available on LotsCave.com – https://www.lotscave.com/ebooks/author/morgan-destera.php

September 10, 2020

I was surprised that this set came with 3 plugs. For some reason I only expected 2.

I only used the largest since I am used to anal play.

I liked the striations on the plug. It gave much more sensation.

However the stem needs to be firmer. I had a difficult time inserting it because there was not enough push to it.

It is comfortable for long-term wear.

I would give 4 out of 5 stars

VIDEO – https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f5a5c012722b

August 27, 2020

I’ve got to stop being so paranoid.
His wife must be back to work in person at the office now instead of remotely. We’ve talked the last three out of four days. Just as fun and flirty as ever.

I don’t know for sure if we’ll ever meet up again (although he said at my birthday that we would figure out something), but I do know that my life is better when he’s in it. I have to try to make that good enough for me now.

August 14, 2020

I heard from my MM today. I have to get used to the idea that I need to reach out first. I’m not used to that. Before the shutdown, when he was more free, he would contact me. I kind of left it up to him to make the contact since I never knew for sure what his schedule was like. Now I find myself waiting for him. Yet when I do reach out, he responds pretty quickly. But I have to contact him via other methods than out regular messaging app, it seems. I have to reach out by email or on the site where we first met. Yet he responds to me by our messaging app. But if that’s what it takes to keep in contact, I will do so. I just don’t want to seem like a nuisance or bother him too much. It was also odd that I felt like I was intruding. I wasn’t sure what to say to him and cut off the conversation early. I think I just don’t want to intrude, but I want his attention too.

July 29, 2020

It’s been a while again since I heard from my MM, so I decided to consult a psychic online lol. I usually do tarot cards maybe once or twice a year (for entertainment purposes, and just to see) but I lost the link to the woman I used to use plus I wanted something a little different. This one was much shorter.

My inquiry – About 5 years ago I got involved with a guy I probably shouldn’t have. However he has been a high point in my life. However with the current pandemic, we have been torn apart due to circumstances. My questions are
1. Is it worth still pursuing this relationship
And
2. Will we meet in person again

Her response – Well – from what I can see that there is a chance to work on the dynamics of the connection possibly see this as a temporary glitch in the wider range of situations. I don’t have a no – so I can only say perhaps this coming 6 to 8 months open the opportunity in which to see the importance of this connection and you look at the reconnection or re-establishing the connection.

I can see the between two places and the separateness but perhaps this is what will change with the importance of changes to come or surprising opportunities through either career factors or other circumstances.

But I am not getting you won’t meet again in person and I am not getting the words you are giving up on the connection any time soon. So – you will continue to pursue the relationship until matters change and life comes back to some normality.

EDIT – The 6-8 month timeline cooresponds to his return to work.

July 16, 2020

I know my ex needs me and I’ve gone through bouts where I think I could live this way as long as I still have My MM in my life. I thought about telling my ex just today about my MM and telling him that I would stay here as long as I get a couple days here and there with MM and can message him when I want. But I know my ex would go ballistic if I would ever reveal that and I don’t think he would go for the compromise. It would be a perfect situation if he would understand but I can’t see him being that understanding even though it would be beneficial for him.

I’ve also been thinking too that if MM would suddenly come up to me and say hey I’m leaving my wife I don’t know if I would encourage it anymore. With my leukemia I am afraid that Something would happen to me and leave him alone all of a sudden when he could’ve still been with his family. I don’t know if I’m being heroic or if I’m being selfish that I don’t want him to hurt. It’s not like that situation will probably ever happen anyways.

July 15, 2020

I’ve been able to talk a bit more with my MM and I feel more relaxed because of it. It’s kind of sad how much talking to him means to me. He is the bright spot in my life, moreso than my kid or my dog. He makes me feel wanted. He makes me feel appreciated— something my ex just has never been able to do.

I think also we may have hit a new milestone. Yesterday was the first time I know of that he was talking to me with his wife in the house. I am not 100% certain she was there, but at the end of our conversation he said he supposed he should go and that he could “only hide in the basement for so long”. To me this says she was there. He messaged me earlier in the day while he was out running errands. Maybe he’s realizing a few risks are needed.

It’s funny too. His new house had some weird features. He has sent me a few photos of things I know he associates with me. Like there is a toilet stuck in a very odd spot In the house; yesterday he sent me a picture of him on it! Lol. He also messaged me when a song he associates with me came on the radio. (It’s not a romantic song, however.)

Oddly, his pubic hair was grown out. He usually keeps it shaved. I’ve never seen him so fuzzy. That leads me to believe there is no bedroom action at all between him and his wife. Again, I don’t know for sure, but evidence says no.

Last week I think we also re-affirmed our status. I don’t want to say “re-affirmed our commitment” because really we don’t have a commitment to one another, although it feels like we do. But it’s obvious we want to stay in touch as much as we can. And we have both mentioned we do want to meet up again. I think if it weren’t for COVID we would have something planned already.

July 4, 2020

This is my birthday weekend. Talked with My MM for a while. Everything seems back to normal(except maybe hm being home and not getting to talk as frequently or for the hours and hours straight we did). He did mention “we’ll figure out something” when we want to meet again and that he “hopes” we can meet again. I hope he means that and is not just saying it. I’m not really broaching a timeline to get back together yet. But I am hoping maybe this fall. A lot depends on Covid.

June 26, 2020

Different Guy is pissing me off. He offered money for me to sleep with him. While I may sell panties, may have a Pornhub account, may be involved with a married man, those things have not made me feel like a prostitute. I don’t have any problems with people who do sell their bodies for money, it is just not something I can do. And my MM has never made me feel objectified. Selling physical items like panties and photos and videos is a far cry from having intimacy.

The last few days I talked to Different Guy I told him several times I did not want to made to be felt like I’m a whore. I even told him I’d meet him on a date with NO EXPECTATIONS (written out like that, in all caps, two different times). He says I confuse him. What’s confusing about that? I told him to think with his head, not his penis.