Morgan Destera

November 15, 2020

Quotes I have found on Twitter that make me think of my guy:

The desire to be with you holds me together and breaks me simultaneously.

you are the heartache I would choose over and over again

i miss the moments i should be having with you.

I miss your laugh – Your smirk- THAT look – I miss you

I miss your intelligence, your wit, your sexy dirty mind, your creativity, your humor. I miss what makes you YOU

I’m not sorry for the way I love you. I am sorry I didn’t find you and love you sooner.

Love is still love …. no matter what distance has to say

Every part of me aches for every part of you.

You have no idea how fucking hard it is to not think about you all the time.

you were never a risk – you were always an all-in

One word – One call – One text – One ‘I love you’ – One ‘I miss you’ – One ‘I changed my mind’ – One anyfuckingthing – Would have fixed it all. Would have started it anew – Just fucking one.💔

(credits were not given because I cannot verify the true sources)

November 6, 2020

I’ve been quiet lately. This past week has been bonkers. I had an emergency eye dr appt on Monday when I started seeing flashes in my peripheral vision over the weekend. I apparently had a blood vessel break deep within my eye which the dr was afraid may be a retinal tear. So today I had an appt with a retina specialist. Luckily nothing came if that and the blood vessel is healing well. It seems my vitreous is detaching – which is normal as we age, but usually happens in your 60s years of age. My regular eye dr was afraid the vitreous may have torn a hole or was detaching the retina as well, but it’s not luckily. I do have to go back to retina dr in 4 weeks for double check.

Tuesday my ex had surgery consultation and Wednesday he had his thyroid remived due to cancer. That was two long days with him, including a hotel stay. Blech. I would rather be with MM in a hotel, lol.

Today ex is running a fever and is having a lot of trouble swallowing. Surgeon says he shouldn’t have this much problem and if it persists to go to ER tomorrow.

Spoke with my MM today. It’s been a bit since I heard from him again. He confirmed family is still at home with him and it’s hard for him to get time alone. They may shut down his state again too. Sigh. At least he checked in.

October 25, 2020

As of today, I have 206 videos posted on Pornhub. 201 of those are free.

I have 100,000+ views

I have been a member for over 18 months.

I still do not have enough earning for a payout from them.

In order to be eligible for a payout – when they actually give you the money you earned – you need to have made $100.

According to their analytics, I have earned roughly $65.

That means I earn .00065 cents per view. I need at least another 53,000 views Of my free videos to achieve pay out. Or a few more people to buy my paid content or my downloads. My most expensive video is $1.99. Most are 99 cents. My downloads are 99 cents.

Or, you can tip me through the site. However, Pornhub still takes their cut from tips I earn.

I do not even know if Paypal will take its cut from those earnings too when I do achieve payout.

The best thing would be to contact me and I can give you my Paypal.

My Pornhub is https://www.pornhub.com/model/markiemoo1138

Thank you

October 13, 2020

I found out today my MM had emergency surgery last week. He had to have his bowels resectioned!

I am so done with this year!

He woke up one night with extreme abdominal pain. He thought at first he had another hernia. He’s had hernia surgery before, double-sided.

He went to the ER and a CT scan showed he had extra bowels! It was just something he was born with that just suddenly made itself known. He had to have several inches removed and resectioned. It was done laparoscopically. He was in for several days and had to have a feeding tube in his nose.

He is home now and doing much better.

I hate that I didn’t know. If something drastic had happened, I would never know.At least my son knows that if something ever happened to me, to let my MM know.

September 24, 2020

Sorry I’ve been out of commission for a bit. Over Labor Day (Sept.6-8) I was in the hospital for 3 days with severe fatigue and weakness, probably due to my meds. My energy has been up and down ever since. I went on a day trip last Friday with my best friend and am just recovering from that too. I shut down my writing gigs for a bit while I recovered too.

And now last week I found out my ex has thyroid cancer! I can’t even be the sick one lol. His prognosis is good at this point. He cannot get surgery until early November due to the treatments he gets for his autoimmune disease which makes him susceptible to infections. When he has the surgery we’ll find out if the cancer has progressed into the blood or elsewhere. Thyroid cancer is highly treatable at least and slow growing.
There’s alway something…

Yesterday I talked to my MM all day. Just like old times. I miss having open access to him. But he is around more than he has been since he moved. I feel good about us again. 🙂 We sexted and sent videos and photos back and forth. We talked about getting back together though no solid plans were made. I think it will happen eventually. Patience.

August 16, 2020

(Note – this should have been published on the above date. Somehow it got stuck.)

Response to my post (August 14) I received from a friend (used by permission):

But I don’t think he wants it over. Which is why he isn’t giving you the closure you desire. He is in a life right now where it just happens that he disappears for a while. You are a dear friend to him. He has proved that. But the problem as I see it is that he is so much more to you than you are to him. He enjoys the flirting and planning of dates when the time is right in his life. You crave it and watch for it every day. You need to get into a mindset that if you hear from him, that’s wonderful and special. If you don’t, it is because he is busy with other things in his life. Please don’t read that I am in any way suggesting that this is easy. I KNOW from firsthand experience, it is not. We are addicted to the attention. But that’s it right there. Find a way to break that addiction. Otherwise, you will no longer enjoy the sweet times when he does reach out. Because you are too obsessed with counting the weeks.

My response to her:

I totally agree with this. I am craving it. I am trying to focus on my writing more. I am trying to look at it as happy that I had him in my life at all. I am just so dissatisfied with my life in general I miss the good he gave me. Low self-esteem doesn’t help.
Ugh

All Mediplex chapters only available on LotsCave.com – https://www.lotscave.com/ebooks/author/morgan-destera.php

September 10, 2020

I was surprised that this set came with 3 plugs. For some reason I only expected 2.

I only used the largest since I am used to anal play.

I liked the striations on the plug. It gave much more sensation.

However the stem needs to be firmer. I had a difficult time inserting it because there was not enough push to it.

It is comfortable for long-term wear.

I would give 4 out of 5 stars

VIDEO – https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f5a5c012722b

August 27, 2020

I’ve got to stop being so paranoid.
His wife must be back to work in person at the office now instead of remotely. We’ve talked the last three out of four days. Just as fun and flirty as ever.

I don’t know for sure if we’ll ever meet up again (although he said at my birthday that we would figure out something), but I do know that my life is better when he’s in it. I have to try to make that good enough for me now.

August 14, 2020

I heard from my MM today. I have to get used to the idea that I need to reach out first. I’m not used to that. Before the shutdown, when he was more free, he would contact me. I kind of left it up to him to make the contact since I never knew for sure what his schedule was like. Now I find myself waiting for him. Yet when I do reach out, he responds pretty quickly. But I have to contact him via other methods than out regular messaging app, it seems. I have to reach out by email or on the site where we first met. Yet he responds to me by our messaging app. But if that’s what it takes to keep in contact, I will do so. I just don’t want to seem like a nuisance or bother him too much. It was also odd that I felt like I was intruding. I wasn’t sure what to say to him and cut off the conversation early. I think I just don’t want to intrude, but I want his attention too.