So, A Ben-Wa Ball Got Stuck in My Vagina…

March 21, 2019
I was talking to my guy for several hours today. During the course of our conversation, we decided I should use my Ben-Wa Balls. I do need to use them a bit more right now to re-strengthen my pelvic muscles after the surgery and just basically healing for the last 10 weeks.

So I popped them in. First thing I notice is that the lower one does not seem to fit in as well as it had before. I used to be able to fit both in relatively easily. Now the second one seemed dangerously close to falling out. It wasn’t really a surprise; the surgery had shortened my vagina a small bit. I finally got them both to stay. And I went to the store with them in. They felt different than they used to, but not uncomfortable.

When I returned home, I kept them in a bit longer since they weren’t bothering me. After I ate lunch,  I went to take them out. As expected, the lower one fell right out. I probed for the other one, and couldn’t even feel it! I thought maybe it had fallen out too, but it wasn’t with my panties or anywhere around. Surely one couldn’t have fallen out while I was shopping…

I went to the bedroom and got into a better position and really probed myself. There it was! Way up in my pussy. There seemed to be a wall of flesh it hid behind. So maybe my vagina wasn’t shortened too badly, but I need to strengthen the muscles back up to push more. I couldn’t reach my fingers deep enough to grasp it. I just pushed it deeper. I tried pushing but it barely moved. I used to be able to push them out with little effort.

I went into my toy bag and got out my forceps. From my angle, though, I could not grasp it with the tongs. I was able to move it a bit with a shovel-like motion, but could not remove it. After a rest, I tried again. I even used my Magic Wand to make sure I was well lubricated, hoping it would slip out.

After some research, I tried a few other methods to remove it. I crouched, I jumped up and down, I begged my guy to drive 10 hours to come help me out. He felt badly he couldn’t be here to help. But he got some awesome videos of my attempts.

Finally, after a short nap, I tried again. I jumped some more and then sat on the toilet. Finally! While peeing, the ball was able to push its way out – into the toilet. I had to go in after it. No biggie. By then, seven hours had elapsed.

But at least I know I need to use them more, and more importantly, know the best way to retrieve them!

A Milestone

March 16, 2019

This weekend marks a milestone. My MM is now my longest relationship, except for my ex. Three-and-a-half years now we’ve been together. My college boyfriend (if you can call him that, he never wanred to “be romantic” with me, but was happy to call me for sex, or when he broke his leg and needed to be picked up from the airport or taken in for surgery, etc.)

I can look back and see how much I’ve grown over the past few years. MM has made me a better, more open-mindedperson. I am not as quick to judge. And I have discovered how powerful sex can be.

Only about 6 more weeks til I see him again!

Transfer Post- Survived the First Year

September 19, 2016

I wondered if we would make it to this mark, but the first year of He and I meeting and starting to talk has now come and gone over the weekend. I can see a big change in me – i don’t over think nearly as much as I used to or as deeply (i still do, but am able to keep it in check – no real “doom and gloom” scenarios). when he’s quiet for a few days i have faith that he will get back to me when he can (his job is horrendous sometimes and i know it is his first priority – even above his family – I helped him figure that out and let him know its okay to be like that.) I know he loves me. My only wish is that we could spend more physical time together. Right now I am content otherwise. As Guns N Roses say “You need a little patience…”

Transfer Post -A Little Gift

We spent hours talking and flirting last week before he came to my area. I really mussed up my panties and then mailed them to him at the hotel he was going to. A few days later – after some missed connections – he finally got a hold of me and sent me videos and photos of him playing with them. That man just makes me feel special and sexy, something I never really felt before. But I wish I could just lose some weight! My biggest problem right now is my self-esteem. But he has NEVER made me feel bad.

Transfer Post – Almost a D-Day

Labor Day Weekend 2016

Well, the Wife now has to be suspicious. I sent a message to my MM, thinking he was back at work, and his wife heard the notification and started giving him the 3rd Degree about it. I felt horrible when he told me! But he reassured me that everything is good and that he was able to be non-chalant and saying everything is OK. But now I know she has to be a little suspicious. I don’t think she saw the message – and the message was just letting him know I was home from vacation.

He has been really great the past few days. Made me realize just how much I did miss him!

Next week he’ll be in my area for 5 weeks or so! We are planning but his hours working will be horrendous – 16 hour days!

Transfer Post – More Sighing

Talked to my MM for several hours last night. 🙂 He seemed relaxed and like normal. We got into some fun conversations 😉 and some major flirting

But now he has returned home for 2 weeks. The chances of hearing from him during this time are slim, but every so often he has been able to pull off some quick messages, so we’ll see. The kids don’t start school until after Labor Day though, so they’ll be around. They are going to get another dog since one of their two died a few weeks ago.

Luckily Iam going on a trip over Labor Day with my kid, so that will keep me from overthinking too much.

Glad we were able to talk for a while. 🙂

Transfer Post – Sigh

Quick check-in. I haven’t said much lately because there hasn’t been anything to say. I haven’t talked to My MM in over a week (sigh). But he is extremely busy! He is finishing up one contract while simultaneously starting up another. Next week he’ll be in NYC, then he’ll be 2 weeks home with the family, then another week in NYC before we can even think about seeing each other again. Also, you may remember he had two friends commit suicide earlier this summer – well, they had to put one of their dogs to sleep too! I haven’t been able to talk to him much all summer, but glad he still tells me what’s going on. I am not overthinking as much as i used to, but i still wonder in the back of my head if he’s just trying to let go slowly. Even though i have told him multiple times to just tell me if he wants out. I guess i’ll find out as time goes on.

Funny thing though…i had my tarot cards read. I have used this same woman 3 or 4 times now and each time she really seems to nail it. I have had psychics and tarots before that have never been as accurate as she is. But anyways she said that he is kind of in a bad state of mind, but i have to make up my mind to be the “guiding light he needs to reach his full potential” or go off on my own. And that he will let me in, but it may not for a long time. Maybe not on this timeline at all but that we WILL meet again (afterlife). She also said i can choose to be there for him while still being true to myself. Well if i can be there for him and help him, i am all for that! As one of my friends once said, my life is infinitely better with him in it.

I just have to be happy myself too. And so far I am — i just miss him!

Transfer Post – Another Loss

Monday July 10, 2016

In a way I am getting tired of this relationship. I feel like I am the one sacrificing everything.

We are at a quiet point again because allegedly he had another friend commit suicide. That’s two in basically one months’ time. I’ve never not trusted him, but it just seems too convenient. So a day when i KNOW he’s off work and he doesn,t message. I don,t get to see him. I am just waiting.

It seems I am always waiting.

It has been since October since I have seen him. Surely sometime in the last 9 ½ months there was a way i could have been with him. It seems there are always excuses.

Maybe he’s afraid of really doing something “kinky” or maybe he’s afraid of getting caught. But we HAVE been together, that cannot be undone. So why worry about that? We get so close but something always happens. And now i am really beginning to wonder if he’s making stuff up. I don’t want my walls to go back up. I have been trying hard to trust him. Its bad enough i have to share him with his family. If there is someone else I would be devastated.

Yea i know i’m overthinking. I just feel like i don’t matter. All he has to do is send a few messages.

I’m really beginning to think i might need to get out. If we don’t get together during the two months he is in nearby – and it better be more than once – i will seriously tell him i need more consideration. It will be over a year since we met at that point.

Ugh…

I wish someone could talk to him and find out what is happening. I know he is having trouble at home too. Maybe we all just need a break from this.

Transfer Post – He’s Back

Sunday July 3, 2016

I’ve been quiet for a few days since MM was home with family for a bit. But he messaged me as soon as he got to his hometown airport, and in the cab to the hotel, and for a couple of hours after he checked in. It lets me know he missed me and I was right to give him some space.

He started complaining about his wife. I never know what to say. I do not want to put any pressure on him at all. But it hurts to see him in pain. And it makes me wonder what is really going through his mind. When she sits out of a family excursion when they don’t get a lot of family time together, it says something.

I can’t overthink this.

But I did email him this morning, a couple of days after that conversation, to let him know some thoughts. I said I am really the last one who should comment on the situation. I tried to keep my own feelings out of it, to look at things objectively, and told him they really need to talk and see if they can compromise. They are both hurting. And it hurts me to see him like that. And that he trusts me to tell me.