Transfer Post- Survived the First Year

September 19, 2016

I wondered if we would make it to this mark, but the first year of He and I meeting and starting to talk has now come and gone over the weekend. I can see a big change in me – i don’t over think nearly as much as I used to or as deeply (i still do, but am able to keep it in check – no real “doom and gloom” scenarios). when he’s quiet for a few days i have faith that he will get back to me when he can (his job is horrendous sometimes and i know it is his first priority – even above his family – I helped him figure that out and let him know its okay to be like that.) I know he loves me. My only wish is that we could spend more physical time together. Right now I am content otherwise. As Guns N Roses say “You need a little patience…”

Transfer Post -A Little Gift

We spent hours talking and flirting last week before he came to my area. I really mussed up my panties and then mailed them to him at the hotel he was going to. A few days later – after some missed connections – he finally got a hold of me and sent me videos and photos of him playing with them. That man just makes me feel special and sexy, something I never really felt before. But I wish I could just lose some weight! My biggest problem right now is my self-esteem. But he has NEVER made me feel bad.

Transfer Post – Almost a D-Day

Labor Day Weekend 2016

Well, the Wife now has to be suspicious. I sent a message to my MM, thinking he was back at work, and his wife heard the notification and started giving him the 3rd Degree about it. I felt horrible when he told me! But he reassured me that everything is good and that he was able to be non-chalant and saying everything is OK. But now I know she has to be a little suspicious. I don’t think she saw the message – and the message was just letting him know I was home from vacation.

He has been really great the past few days. Made me realize just how much I did miss him!

Next week he’ll be in my area for 5 weeks or so! We are planning but his hours working will be horrendous – 16 hour days!

Transfer Post – More Sighing

Talked to my MM for several hours last night. 🙂 He seemed relaxed and like normal. We got into some fun conversations 😉 and some major flirting

But now he has returned home for 2 weeks. The chances of hearing from him during this time are slim, but every so often he has been able to pull off some quick messages, so we’ll see. The kids don’t start school until after Labor Day though, so they’ll be around. They are going to get another dog since one of their two died a few weeks ago.

Luckily Iam going on a trip over Labor Day with my kid, so that will keep me from overthinking too much.

Glad we were able to talk for a while. 🙂

Transfer Post – Sigh

Quick check-in. I haven’t said much lately because there hasn’t been anything to say. I haven’t talked to My MM in over a week (sigh). But he is extremely busy! He is finishing up one contract while simultaneously starting up another. Next week he’ll be in NYC, then he’ll be 2 weeks home with the family, then another week in NYC before we can even think about seeing each other again. Also, you may remember he had two friends commit suicide earlier this summer – well, they had to put one of their dogs to sleep too! I haven’t been able to talk to him much all summer, but glad he still tells me what’s going on. I am not overthinking as much as i used to, but i still wonder in the back of my head if he’s just trying to let go slowly. Even though i have told him multiple times to just tell me if he wants out. I guess i’ll find out as time goes on.

Funny thing though…i had my tarot cards read. I have used this same woman 3 or 4 times now and each time she really seems to nail it. I have had psychics and tarots before that have never been as accurate as she is. But anyways she said that he is kind of in a bad state of mind, but i have to make up my mind to be the “guiding light he needs to reach his full potential” or go off on my own. And that he will let me in, but it may not for a long time. Maybe not on this timeline at all but that we WILL meet again (afterlife). She also said i can choose to be there for him while still being true to myself. Well if i can be there for him and help him, i am all for that! As one of my friends once said, my life is infinitely better with him in it.

I just have to be happy myself too. And so far I am — i just miss him!

Transfer Post – Another Loss

Monday July 10, 2016

In a way I am getting tired of this relationship. I feel like I am the one sacrificing everything.

We are at a quiet point again because allegedly he had another friend commit suicide. That’s two in basically one months’ time. I’ve never not trusted him, but it just seems too convenient. So a day when i KNOW he’s off work and he doesn,t message. I don,t get to see him. I am just waiting.

It seems I am always waiting.

It has been since October since I have seen him. Surely sometime in the last 9 ½ months there was a way i could have been with him. It seems there are always excuses.

Maybe he’s afraid of really doing something “kinky” or maybe he’s afraid of getting caught. But we HAVE been together, that cannot be undone. So why worry about that? We get so close but something always happens. And now i am really beginning to wonder if he’s making stuff up. I don’t want my walls to go back up. I have been trying hard to trust him. Its bad enough i have to share him with his family. If there is someone else I would be devastated.

Yea i know i’m overthinking. I just feel like i don’t matter. All he has to do is send a few messages.

I’m really beginning to think i might need to get out. If we don’t get together during the two months he is in nearby – and it better be more than once – i will seriously tell him i need more consideration. It will be over a year since we met at that point.

Ugh…

I wish someone could talk to him and find out what is happening. I know he is having trouble at home too. Maybe we all just need a break from this.

Transfer Post – He’s Back

Sunday July 3, 2016

I’ve been quiet for a few days since MM was home with family for a bit. But he messaged me as soon as he got to his hometown airport, and in the cab to the hotel, and for a couple of hours after he checked in. It lets me know he missed me and I was right to give him some space.

He started complaining about his wife. I never know what to say. I do not want to put any pressure on him at all. But it hurts to see him in pain. And it makes me wonder what is really going through his mind. When she sits out of a family excursion when they don’t get a lot of family time together, it says something.

I can’t overthink this.

But I did email him this morning, a couple of days after that conversation, to let him know some thoughts. I said I am really the last one who should comment on the situation. I tried to keep my own feelings out of it, to look at things objectively, and told him they really need to talk and see if they can compromise. They are both hurting. And it hurts me to see him like that. And that he trusts me to tell me.

Transfer Post – Quick Update

June 25, 2016

He did send me a photo yesterday, but for some reason my notification dinger didn’t go off so it was a couple of hours until I found it and by then he was at work. (Sigh) That’s the first one he’s sent since this all happened. He looks good in it – I mean he doesn’t look depressed or upset. He goes home for a week on Monday. I wrote him and thanked him for the picture, and told him to go home next week and re-affirm LIFE, that I’ll be here, and sent him a picture back. He read them, but didn’t reply. But weekends are crazy for him. I’ll just settle in and wait and send good vibes his way.

Transfer Post – A Week Later

June 23, 2016

I am getting worried about my MM. I did get to talk with him briefly, but I could tell he is just not the same. The fun-loving man is gone. I know coping with the loss of his friend is horrible. I am giving him time and space. But my own thoughts get to me at times. I try to push them away, but almost two weeks after he received the news there doesn’t seem to be much progress on his end.

He goes home for a week next week. Maybe rest and being with his family – who also knew his friend – will help him come to terms a bit.

I only want the best for him