Transfer Post – How Do I Feel?

February 10, 2016 – 2:00 a.m.

How do I feel…. a little scared that he is done. I haven’t heard from him since Sunday morning. That in itself is not unusual since he had busy busy weekend. He said the next stop would be a difficult job. So I try not to read this silence as anything. But I am always worried I will never hear from him again. I tend to wait for him to contact me since his schedule is always harried. I did send him a little joke and he did read it, so at least he is not avoiding my messages. I kind of laid into him (very gently though) on Sunday. But he was not feeling well and neither was I. So I can only wait and see what happens. I had to stop myself from writing back and apologizing – when I went back to read what I had written, I realized I did not say anything mean or cruel. And really I have no right to do so. I have known since the beginning that he is married. He sets the rules. I guess because I have gained some weight over the holidays I am afraid he won’t want me. Not that I was skinny to begin with. I always thought of our “affair” as more emotional. We have only been together that one stretch in October. I was so looking forward to getting back together with him now in February — that was our goal and now it seems like it won’t happen. And it makes me wonder if he really ever wanted to in the first place. I am not skinny or beautiful. But I am genuine. I am real. I do not put on airs. And we have shared things with one another that we would not dare speak to others about.

Published by morgandestera

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