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DESTERA

Bittersweet Vacation

July 31, 2022

Overall It was a great trip! I am so glad I made this trip. And I’m glad I did it alone that I didn’t have to worry about somebody else’s agenda. I got so much done. I kept myself busy doing stuff and do not regret it at all!

However, I don’t know where things are going with my MM and I. The very first night we were going to meet up but I actually told him not to because I was totally exhausted and dehydrated. I walked like 15 blocks with 75 pounds of luggage in 100° heat and I about died literally. I took all evening to just cool down and rehydrate. And it turned out that was good because he would’ve missed his last train because it was canceled had he stayed.

Sunday he came and saw me and unfortunately his mind was totally elsewhere. He is moving houses this week coming up and he has been trying to fix up his new house to make it livable. And I could just see the way his mind was working even though he wasn’t saying anything. I knew he was thinking more about the house. So after we had sex we laid down for an hour or so and I could just tell he was not in the mood. So I told him to just go home and work on the house. I know the way his mind works and I would rather have him be 100% present. There’s plenty for me to do there so I went to a museum that afternoon instead of waiting like I would have. At least I got to see him.

Then that night he messaged me and apologizes for “flaking out”. And he basically also admitted that the other times I have come to see him he has flaked out, which I kind of suspected.

He says he feels bad and he was actually trying to figure out why he didn’t feel like having sex a second time. And also that he feels he is changing that he doesn’t even really like physical contact anymore and definitely does not want dirty stuff right now. I told him that’s perfectly fine. Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I also suspect some Covid trauma. He moved halfway across country in the middle of it for a job he wasn’t sure he’d have. Plus he didn’t even hardly talk to me for 10 months during that. So I can see not wanting to be touched  as part of this. And didn’t want to make messes (probably because there’re  so many messes he’s trying to clean up right now). Plus he has a million different things going on at present, both with 2 houses and work. I tried to reassure him, but truthfully I don’t know if we’ll ever get together again. We both do definitely want to keep up the cybersex. I am planning a trip near there in October for “business purposes” so I hope to see him then, maybe. I think if I go visit him, I have to have a reason beyond just seeing him. Plus I told him we can always re-evaluate. And I re-iterated that if he ever wants to break up, to please let me know and not just disappear.

So I am trying to back off a bit. Hopefully things will smooth out once he gets moved and the other house sold.

I am horribly sad but not devastated. I guess that means something. I don’t feel it is 100% over.

BREAKING NEWS – MILFcast Approved for Exxxotica!

July 20, 2022

Yes, I have been approved to cover the Exxxotica convention in Edison, NJ, October October 21-23!

If you are unfamiliar with Exxxotica, check out their website here: https://exxxoticaexpo.com/

I hope to interview some porn professionals as well as peruse new toys and items on the market. I will also be taking photos which will appear here on my blog!

Keep an eye out for updates as plans solidify!

TOY TEST – Nosakki Clitoral Stimulator with Thrusting Bullet Vibrator

July 10, 2022

I was underwhelmed by this toy. At first glance it seemed intriguing. A thrusting end and a a stimulating end? And with enough length between them to allow simultaneous play? I’m in! Even when I first unwrapped it and put it through it paces, it seemed to be a fun little piece!

It arrived in a nice discreet box and was packaged very well in tissue. It even came with a silk baggie for travel. It also comes with a magnetic charger, which means no battery to change. I do wish it had a push-in pin charger instead, as the magnets often get jarred and slip off the pins.

Putting it through its paces, there seemed to be enough variety that is should be a good toy. It has nine different thrust/vibration modes, which should be plenty. But When it came down to it, I just could not find the right mode to set me off.

The description in the listing says that it can also be used as a Kegel ball, But there is no way he would be able to hold it in with the extra weight of the Clitoral stimulating end hanging off of it. Yes you can insert the thrusting end fully, but insertion alone a Kegel ball does not make.

I liked the thrusting end more than the stimulating end. With the dual prongs, you would think you’d be able to hit it just right. Perhaps it’s my jewelry getting in the way, but I could not feel it at all on my clit.

I also tried simultaneous play, using both ends at once, but it was hard to hold both, even with the thrusting end inserted. I gave up and just concentrated on the thrusting end. A few times it seemed to lose power as I inserted, probably due to the pressure upon it.

All in all, this toy is a great concept, but needs some re-hauling. I give it a 4 out if 5 for effort.

You can order the toy here – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09S5P66DZ?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

Video of my test can be found on my Pornhub her3 – https://www.pornhub.com/video/manage/ph62c8a6cb4a9d3

Addendum to the Last Update

June 29, 2022

I am past the point where I feel I absolutely have to be with him in my future. I do hope we will remain friends and lovers. I do appreciate him greatly and need his input. I absolutely love him and would drop everything to be with him. My life wouldn’t be the same without him in it, but I know it is highly unlikely we will ever marry or even live together. Plus, I have my problems too I don’t want him to get caught up in. I sleep a lot due to my meds and such. After being a caregiver to my ex for so long, I would not want him to have to do that for me, and possibly resenting me.

A Long-Overdue Update

June 26, 2022

It’s been a while since I’ve updated everyone what’s going on. And really there’s not much going on. I am planning on going to East next month and meeting up with my MM. I will be staying four nights and three days basically. I’ve been having a lot of car problems lately. Whereas I was going to drive in to see him, I am now taking Amtrak which is something new for me. The funny thing is though I book my tickets for the train and two days later I get a knock on the door and I look out and there’s a huge box from Amazon on my doorstep. A few minutes later he texts me and says “did you get my package?” He bought me brand new luggage for the trip so I have more room to pack and it’s hard sided for added protection. It’s like a $200 suitcase.

So obviously we’re still in the midst of it all. We still message almost every day. He admitted the other day he wished he could help me more but just does not really have access to his money as his W is in control of the books. They just bought a new house again and at the moment are paying two mortgages at least until the school year starts so they can keep their youngest son in the same school district. Their oldest boy graduated just this past week. The youngest graduates next year. But right now it looks like they are both going to stay in the house for the moment which is why they bought a bigger house.

I took a risk and came right out and told him my ultimate goal was to have him 24/7/365. He didn’t really say too much about that, I’m sure he already knew that. He did say I might not like him full-time because he really gets grumpy when he doesn’t have his own space and alone time. I mean well that’s to be expected… He basically lived on his own on the road for many many years. He still has his own space because his W works and he has his own little studio for painting. So who knows what will happen. I really don’t expect anything but my options are open.

Meanwhile I’m working with my car problems. My old car I could not afford to keep up anymore so I bought a different one and sold the one I had. Then the very next day the car I bought broke down. I can’t afford much so I thought I had gotten a deal but obviously not. It was so bad that the dealership actually gave me back some of my money. That car is currently in the repair shop. They fixed one thing wrong with it but they are not quite sure what else is wrong with it. So I really haven’t had a car for about two weeks now. It’s very frustrating as I have doctor appointments I’ve been rescheduling over and over again that I really need to get to to see. Including my oncologist.

So that’s what’s been going on here. My ex is having the usual problems. He goes in August for an evaluation to see if he has Lewy body dementia, which is the same thing Robin Williams had before he committed suicide. If he has dementia he will have to be moved to a different facility a little further away but not horribly far.

TOY TEST – WildOne Silicone Buttplug Set

June 25, 2022

First let’s start with the Amazon description:

  • 3 DIFFERENT SIZES: We combine 3 most popular design shapes Anal Plugs Training Set. Whether you are a beginner or an advanced user, you can find the size that will makes you excited. The small Anal plug has smooth shape and easily to insert which suitable for beginners. The medium plug has more plentiful stimulation and enhance your pleasure. The large plug comes with anal bead design. Every inch will stimulate your body. Giving you an amazing sexual experience!
  • SAFE & COMFORTABLE MATERIAL: 3 Pcs Anal Training Set are made from 100% silicone. Anal-friendly material is non-porous and phthalate-free. You will feel the silky silicone touch, experience heavenly and intoxicating moments of pleasure. The Anal plugs are waterproof, easily to clean with soap and water, dishwasher safe.
  • FLARED T-BAR BASE DESIGN: The Flared T-bar base can be used as a handle. It’s easily for you to hold and grip. No fear of inserting the anal plug too deep inside and hard to pull it out. You can wear it in any situation, at office, at home, sleeping, shopping or dating. It stimulates your perineum during wearing it and double your pleasure!
  • PLEASURE FOR MEN & WOMEN: The T-flared plug has ergonomically designed allow it to fill all your private part and erogenous zones for feeling extra intense sensation. Using butt trainer plugs to stimulate prostate and vaginal wall for men and women. This is perfect for anyone who loves anal play, definitely could spice up your night.
  • DISCREET PACKAGING: We value our customers’ privacy. The Silicone Anal Trainer Set will be shipped to you with brand discreet box. If you have any question, please feel free to contact us.

All of this is true, so points for that. But if you have any anal experience at all, you will find these rather boring. There is nothing exciting about them. I did like the shape of the middle-sized one — the flared bulb is really good — but the sizes were small, even for beginners. The largest one slipped in without any problems, but you all know how much I like anal toys so I have quite a bit of experience.

The real good point on this set is that the stems are sturdy enough to keep constant pressure on. I’ve had silicone toys all but collapse when I tried to push them in. The stems could be slightly bigger and firmer, but they do hold up.

It’s a nice set, don’t get me wrong. It it is a basic set. If you are just starting out, this might be good for you if you are scared. If you are experienced, skip this and find a bolder set.

Overall I give it a 3.5 because of its lack of ingenuity. It’s good, but basic.

You can see the video of my tests on my Pornhub starting Sunday June 26 here – https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph62b6728ea3f38

You can order the set from Amazon here – https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Beginners-Advanced-Comfortable-Long-Term/dp/B09XFG7WFM/ref=sr_1_76?crid=3K3W5X98EJ1ZB&keywords=anal+plugs&qid=1655129651&s=hpc&sprefix=%2Chpc%2C283&sr=1-76