Mindset

November 18, 2020

I still ache for my MM, but I don’t feel the absolute devastation and trauma that I did earlier this summer. It kind of scares me that I don’t in a way. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I’ve come to terms with this whole freakin’ situation. Acceptance, I guess. He’ll contact me when he can. It’s in his court. I still send him stuff but it’s up to him to read/view it. I miss him. I certainly hope we can meet up again. But I can no longer pin all my hopes on it. If it happens, it happens. If he messages, I will respond immediately but right now i just can’t keep my days free for him any more. Maybe if things settle and he starts contacting me regularly again, maybe things will change. But I have things to do, too. I miss him, don’t get me wrong. I’ll always love him, want him. But I cannot cloister myself away.

He has helped me grow. He literally saved my life. He opened my mind. I would not be the person I am today without his influence. He changed my views on life, sex, and love.

Deep down I will always wonder about what he’s doing, if he thinks of me, if he has unfulfilled wishes also. I’d like to think he does. I will always be his, in a way. But I have to be mine more.

This is not a goodbye, it’s a until we meet again. I hope we will.