Free Thoughts

July 16, 2020

I know my ex needs me and I’ve gone through bouts where I think I could live this way as long as I still have My MM in my life. I thought about telling my ex just today about my MM and telling him that I would stay here as long as I get a couple days here and there with MM and can message him when I want. But I know my ex would go ballistic if I would ever reveal that and I don’t think he would go for the compromise. It would be a perfect situation if he would understand but I can’t see him being that understanding even though it would be beneficial for him.

I’ve also been thinking too that if MM would suddenly come up to me and say hey I’m leaving my wife I don’t know if I would encourage it anymore. With my leukemia I am afraid that Something would happen to me and leave him alone all of a sudden when he could’ve still been with his family. I don’t know if I’m being heroic or if I’m being selfish that I don’t want him to hurt. It’s not like that situation will probably ever happen anyways.