December 25, 2019
The problem with holidays, especially when you’re “the other woman”, is that all you want is to spend it with your loved one. In my case, I don’t get to see him or hear from him. Some women are lucky and they may get a quick visit or phone call. I was lucky to get a quick message at Thanksgiving but only because he was on location. When he is home for holidays, there is radio silence. I’d love to have an acknowledgement that he is thinking, even fleetingly, of me. He did get me a gift, though, nothing sentimental, but it is something I mentioned.
My family (brothers and sisters) basically fell apart after my Dad died in 2010. After my sister died in 2015, it was even worse. She would at least have Thanksgiving at her place and everyone would wander in from time to time.
My closest brother is the only one who cares now. He has a Christmas party every year – but no one from the family shows up but me. Luckily he has a lot of friends so it is usually crowded, but I know it stings that family does not make an effort. He and I exchange gifts usually close to Christmas. Yesterday he came and took me out to lunch. He got me a bottle of wine and some chocolate. I got him an authentic lobby card poster and some other miscellaneous things.
My ex never got into Christmas anyways. The Christmas after my Dad died (before we divorced) I sat in the hallway and cried due to the lack of love I felt. That was a turning point when I decided to seriously consider divorce. Today he has done nothing. He wished me Merry Christmas, but made no effort. A few weeks ago he gave me a gift certificate from money he got from his sister. No thought was put into it. For dinner today I made roast chicken and cheesy potatoes. I think I tried. I’m not sure he even thanked me.
And now with my dog gone, it just seems even quieter. I know my son feels the same, though he is on his own. He does nothing also. I try to send him stuff and cheer him up.
I often wonder why I even try sometimes. I am lonely. I want some magic in my life again.
Morgan Destera 