Discussion

August 14, 2019

A discussion on another board brought me these thoughts

Every relationship is different. Saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is an absolute which does not apply in every situation. As I have said before, the day I met Rig he was meeting up with a woman that night to get a BJ. But he told me about it. I had no right to complain. I had JUST met him. I don’t think he has had others since we met, but I don’t know. Early in our relationship this would have bugged me. At one point I did accuse him and he said he didn’t. I believe him. And I do believe he would tell me. I can’t stop him. I just hope if this happened, he would take precautions. And would tell me. I don’t think it would bother me as much anymore. BUT not everyone is a serial cheater because they cheat once.

Guilt yes. He is plagued with guilt i think. Sometimes I feel he holds me at arm’s length when it comes to meeting up. But he does have a crazy schedule too. He has expressed his feelings for his wife – loves her due to history (sort of like me and my ex) but not IN LOVE. More for the kids’ sake

Which brings up step-parent. On my side, my son is grown and he knows about Rig. They have never met, though. My kid probably expects it at some point. Rig’s kids are 13 and 15. And with his work situation he doesn’t see them as often as he’d like. Although he did have them by himself for a week for the first time on-the-road. I could adapt since I’ve had boys. I don’t know enough about them to know how they would react.

Don’t know about therapy while going from an affair to a real relationship or marriage. I see a therapist regularly. With his schedule I don’t know if we could. Maybe online? I don’t know if he’d be willing…