Transfer Post – Another Loss

Monday July 10, 2016

In a way I am getting tired of this relationship. I feel like I am the one sacrificing everything.

We are at a quiet point again because allegedly he had another friend commit suicide. That’s two in basically one months’ time. I’ve never not trusted him, but it just seems too convenient. So a day when i KNOW he’s off work and he doesn,t message. I don,t get to see him. I am just waiting.

It seems I am always waiting.

It has been since October since I have seen him. Surely sometime in the last 9 ½ months there was a way i could have been with him. It seems there are always excuses.

Maybe he’s afraid of really doing something “kinky” or maybe he’s afraid of getting caught. But we HAVE been together, that cannot be undone. So why worry about that? We get so close but something always happens. And now i am really beginning to wonder if he’s making stuff up. I don’t want my walls to go back up. I have been trying hard to trust him. Its bad enough i have to share him with his family. If there is someone else I would be devastated.

Yea i know i’m overthinking. I just feel like i don’t matter. All he has to do is send a few messages.

I’m really beginning to think i might need to get out. If we don’t get together during the two months he is in nearby – and it better be more than once – i will seriously tell him i need more consideration. It will be over a year since we met at that point.

Ugh…

I wish someone could talk to him and find out what is happening. I know he is having trouble at home too. Maybe we all just need a break from this.