Friday February 26, 2016
Another weekend when he’s off with his family, even though he works tonight and over the weekend. I cannot begrudge him time with them. He does not get to see them like other men get to see their families, since he is on the road 97% of the time. I get sad because those are days I do not get to hear from him.
I wish he could make me a priority like he does them. But I can’t be one. I knew that going into this. If we could have seen each other earlier this month like we had planned, maybe I wouldn’t feel so adrift. As of right now, we have no meet up planned. I figure we will met sometime in April when he is in Toronto. I am hoping to maybe get to see him when he is in St. Louis in March, but again that may be close enough for his family to visit. I know when he is in Michigan he is going home to visit over his day off. And this Monday he is heading to NYC for three days of union meetings.
Is it worth even dreaming about anymore? I am so bored of being bored.
I hate these days we can’t connect – I am not jealous of his family, but I do wonder if he thinks about me. And I, on the other hand, overthink every little thing. Like how he didn’t say good night the last evening we talked (although he was at work, he usually still wishes me a good night). Argh – stupid brain. I hope he talks to me Sunday at least before he leaves for NYC.
Last weekend I had a very serious brain melt-down while his family was visiting. I do believe part of it was due to my new meds (Trazadone) interfering with my other pills. All I could do was sleep. I cried, I fixated, I obsessed, I had no energy. This was as bad of an attack as I have ever had. Thank goodness it only lasted one day. I think it was my meds because my brain felt weird, not just my thoughts but my actual brain itself. Sunday we talked again after his family left and everything was almost like old times – the teasing, the innuendos… (sigh)
Morgan Destera 