January 26, 2016
I just haven’t been myself today. I think I am tired and hungry. Ex got upset at me when I went to the store. I had $15 I made working on some essays and he wanted stuff. I ended up forsaking bread that both of us could use to get him some cottage cheese. I could have bought 3 loaves of bread for what I spent on one cottage cheese.
I am also frustrated that I don’t get to talk to BF as much. We still try to talk every day but the length of conversation has been seriously cut and the content isn’t as rich as it was. I know he is very busy and I got very spoiled talking to him for hours n end before the first of the year. I also know he is exhausted. My stupid feeble brain makes me fear he is only talking out of obligation, but my heart knows he cares still. My brain is so messed up
A couple of weeks ago my emotions were going all over. He texted me then to say he now had to work a full day when we had planned to get together, thus cancelling our next meet up. I was so disappointed but did not want to let him know how much. But later he messaged me again about another opportunity, saying his wife may not be able to visit on a certain weekend that had been planned, which may open an opportunity for me. This would be an even better situation since he actually has time off then. We tentatively planned for that, which could be cancelled if his wife suddenly can show.
I had been sick for about 10 days and was just starting to feel better although I even now still have some dizziness I need to get rid of. Plus I have only been sleeping 3-4 hours at a time, but like around the clock – so I sleep 3-4 hours, an up for a while, then sleep some more. It’s been driving me crazy and making me exhausted which hasn’t helped me feel any better. And a few of the celebrity deaths these past few weeks have hit me harder than I ever expected
And one day during that emotional upheaval, BF was really late texting me. He had told me the night before he would message me that day, so my brain went into overthinking mode when he didn’t. I tried to tell myself he got called in to work, but my mood was still disappointed from having to cancel our next meet up. He finally did text, apologizing. He fell asleep – which I can’t blame him since he hasn’t had a full day off for a few weeks. We talked and sexted and decided to still try to meet the weekend we had originally planned. Although it will be a short visit, I feel better knowing he does want to see me. I also told him if he feels too tired, to please let me know. His well-being is important too!